Anyway, if you'd like to follow along,
Hurt a friend's feelings early this morning.
Totally unintentionally, as I rarely hurt people on purpose, but I still feel like caca for it.
I have a good friend. I will call him Frank. Frank & I have an undeniable attraction to each other....and if there was EVER a case of "opposites attract," it's us!!! We have virtually nothing in common. We both love to make people laugh, but that's about all we have in common. When we first met, we discussed our differences. We knew nothing serious would ever work out. Just too different. Nevertheless, we smooched a few times at a friend's house. Verrrry nice. Nice lips, nice kisser, & he's waaaay sexy. I knew that STILL nothing serious would come of it....we were just kinda "friends with benefits," in theory. This doesn't mean I don't wish things could be different....but things ARE not different. He does things that go against every grain of my being. And I know better than to ask someone to change for me. Doesn't work. Someone can only change for themself. And then there are those who don't WANT to change. And because of all this, it's really important to hook up with a mate with whom you don't NEED or want to change. Someone who is already mostly, deeply like you. I think it's great to have some differences with your SO. Otherwise, things would be really boring. But it's important that you match up on the important issues. Just as an example....I am passionately pro-choice. I could date someone who was pro-life, if that was just simply his opinion. However, if he protested at abortion clinics, calling women "baby killers" & the such...obviously, we are not a match. THAT is NOT something I'd be willing to overlook. I am a passionate person. Very much so, probably to a fault. And there are issues which are VERY important to me. And I will not get serious about a man who does not share these opinions with me. It would simply cause way too many problems.
I assumed Frank knew where we stood. That while we care about each other, are friends, & there's attraction there, we had no serious relationship future. I think it WAS clear, but it's hard not to get attached. Affection has a way of growing. Sometimes, whether you want it to or not.
Frank has "dated" other women since we started smoochin', so I was pretty sure we both understood that things weren't serious.
Things kinda blew up last night. As you might have read, I did an entry around 2AM this morning about a guy I have met over the net, Ian. I tried to prevent this info from going to Frank, really I did. But it traveled to him anyway, mostly through mistakes of mine (totally unintentional). Apparently, he was pretty hurt. *sigh* Ouch. I HATE hurting people. I would never hurt a dear friend intentionally. Never. I truly like Frank. Like I said, I wish things could be different, but they aren't. Frank is who he is, & I am who I am. Dat's dat. I wish I had been more careful, &/or had been more clear about my intentions (although I think it would have been really odd to start talking about "so...what do you want from this" after kissing twice). Frank says he understands & we are still friends, & I can only hope that's true. I treasure his friendship.
I just feel guilty whenever I hurt someone....even though it was totally unintentional.
Pffft. I suck....