Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

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What is your idea of "flirting?"

Merriam-Webster's:
flirt: v, 2a.: to behave amorously without serious intent; 2b: to show superficial or casual interest or liking

Yep. That sounds about right. I know that with me, I am LESS likely to flirt heavily with someone I truly am interested in. I know it's shocking to ever think of me as "shy," but I tend to be more subtle & shy with guys I REALLY like. I DO flirt a bit with guys I am interested in, I guess. But I am much more likely to flirt casually, with guys I am not interested in.

But I wonder....I really don't consider what I do as "flirting." I say that I am just friendly to everyone. Let's say I am at a party, & I go sit on a girl's lap. I sit there on her lap & we giggle & smile a lot. Very rarely would someone comment, "Look at Alice, look how much she's flirting with that girl." However, if I do the exact same thing to a guy at the party...sit on his lap, giggle & smile a lot, many people are bound to say, "Look at Alice...look how much she's flirting with that guy." What is the difference? Why can't I just be friendly & positive to people (complimenting them, making them feel good about themselves, etc.) without it being "flirting?" Why can't I just be really nice & friendly to people without it being considered "flirting?" I mean, when I have a steady boyfriend, I still "flirt." There is NO intent behind it. I would never be unfaithful. I am simply not the type (I have been cheated on & I know how that feels...and wouldn't do it to someone else). I mean, I can look at the merchandise through the store window, can't I? I just like to make people feel good....and "flirting" energizes me. It makes ME feel good, too.

Granted, it gets me in trouble sometimes, too. I tend to be very direct. All a guy has to do is ask me if I am interested in more than friendship. But they don't. Instead, they often assume, due to my friendliness ("flirting") that I am interested in them. That has happened more times than I care to think about. I am always like...."No, I was just being nice." It happens all the time. I always feel badly...and start thinking, "Maybe I should stop being so friendly all the time." But dangit, that's my personality! That would be telling me to not be myself. I am a smiley, friendly, touchy-feely person. That is me. I never intend to lead anyone on, or miscommunicate anything. Unless I stick my phone number in your hand or make it BLATANTLY clear that I am interested, you probably are better off not assuming anything.

What's ironic is this...and I admit it. I know I am what people consider a "flirt." I have friends who STUDY the way I act, taking notes, envious of how easy it is for me to talk to guys. But I hate it when a guy I like, am dating, whatever, flirts with other women. That drives that jealous streak in me nuts. It's lame, I know. How can I "flirt" & get irritated when my guy does it (assuming I HAVE a guy)? That's being a hypocrite. But how do I fight that jealousy? This guy I like is a real flirt...he has the same philosphy on all this that I do...he's just being "friendly" & everyone accuses him of "flirting." I can't say anything, cause the same thing happens to me. I guess the bottom line when you are exclusive with someone is do you trust them or not. Flirting is harmless, IF it's kept to verbal flirting. But you can cross a line. I need to accept the fact that if *I* am going to flirt, I can't complain if my many does. And I just have to trust him that he's NOT going to cross a line...that it's JUST going to be verbal flirting...and then he's coming home to me. Trust is key here.

What do you guys think?
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