I have a lot to say...but just no time or energy to put my thoughts together well. I am actually going to bed at 9PM tonight. That's so nice. I was supposed to hang out at a friends tonight, but everyone else bailed, so we rescheduled. For the best. I need sleep. I am performing in the saloon tomorrow, which takes more energy. izzicam is coming to see my show! YAY! *grin* This is a great role for me, & I love to have people I care about see me do it!
It would cost more to go on the cruise to see Alan again than I originally thought. I thought that $700 for a room was really a good deal....plus that gift certificate I have. It would be around $500 for me. Then I realized that $700 was the double occupancy price. I have no clue what the single occupancy price would be, but I guarantee it's substantially more. Which sucks donkey balls. As it was the airfare to San Juan was gonna kill me. This is all very frustrating. Alan really wants me to come visit him, & I really want to. All this just serves to further depress me. I never have any money. I can't cover my bills, much less come up with money for a friggin' cruise. But that's the only way I will see him again. And I REALLY want to. I think it would be incredibly romantic...and I really want to go on that ship. I'd be in the ice skating rink whenever Alan was working! How fun!!! Ice skating on a cruise! I could take my own ice skates! I just wish my career was moving. I just wish I had money to pay my bills AND have some left over to do fun things occasionally, too. Wishes don't make it so, though.
I also had to let go of a bit of a hard crush. Oh, the crush is still there, but I had to lessen the intensity a bit. It was a flirtation that I let go too far. Sexual attraction is definitely there, but there wouldn't have been anything more than friendship (perhaps with "benefits?") in the long run. Well, for now, anyway. So that was a bit confusing. My heart & my passion frequently get ahead of my head. That's not good.
I am SO, SO stoked. It looks like some vacation plans will work out for me in September. If I get approval from my grandmother (which is probably gonna happen, cause she usually doesn't say no to me about stuff like this), I am headed to my family's lakehouse in Alabama!!! No one can understand how much it means to me to go there. I NEED a sabatical. Can I afford it? Not really. But I need it for my mental health, which is at it's breaking point. I have some awesome friends helping me out on the airfare, & chappell hooked me up with a vehicle, so I am saving major $$$$ on a rental car!!!! Thanks, chappell!!! That's SOO helpful! So I will really only have to pay for food & gas. That's just amazing!!!! And airfare right now is stunningly cheap! I found at RT ticket for $197 that I wanted to buy today! But I have to wait. Hopefully, they will stay that cheap. That's so awesome! Anyway...the plan is to fly into Montgomery on 9/4 with my friend, Amy, chappell, & his friend Meredith. We would visit my country grandparents the next day, & then head into B'ham to see my other grandmother (the one who owns the lakehouse). We'd drive to the lake on Friday, & Amy & I would stay out there until at least Tuesday, possibly Wed., then we'd drive back to Greenville for the day, & then back to Mont. on Thursday, to fly back to CA. The best part? chappell will join us at the lake on Friday night. izzicam MIGHT fly in for a long weekend. That would be unbelievably awesome. I have extended an invite to the lovely designdiva & her hubby, but they may have plans. And we will have an extra special guest who might want to remain nameless...so he shall for now. :-) Needless to say, we'd have a freakin' blast!!!
The lake means a lot to me. For one thing, it's really peaceful. It's very serene. I love it. It makes ME feel peaceful...which is something I rarely feel lately. There's also sooo many good memories for me out there. I have so many good memories of my whole family, back before my mom died, before my parents divorced so nastily...back when we were a real, happy family. I also had great times with my cousins growing up. And when I was a teenager, I took friends out there all the time, so lots of good memories there, too. The place is just FULL of good memories, & I'd love to make more with THIS set of friends. I am looking forward to it beyond comprehension.
Saw "Goldmember" last night with shazam, poetpaladin, & webwatcher (& two of shazam's friends). It was a pretty damn funny movie. I recommend it. :-)