Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

ugh

I'm so unbelievably bored.

I had to be at court today, worker's compensation court. Lame. I had rehearsal at Knott's til midnight. I left a tad early, annoying my supervisor, but still didn't get home til after 11pm. I had to wake up at 6am to be here by 8:30am. I get here a tad late cause traffic through the Getty Pass is insane, just to find out I am one of THREE cases my attorney is handling today. He gave our defense attorney permission to be late, cause, poor thing, she's coming all the way from OC and is remodeling her home. I bet you the drive from the Valley was longer than a drive from OC! And I'm pretty sure she wasn't dancing til 10pm last night. *sigh* I have another appt at 1:30, I had really hoped for a nap in between, cause it's a 4 hour psych eval. Oh boy! I sure know how to have fun!

I didn't bring anything to read, cause I did not expect to wait this long. So here I am, making a journal entry via my lifesaving BlackBerry.

I'm making fun of people's clothes, including my own. Some of the attorneys are dressed very nicely, including my own. Some are dressed in the tackiest suit combos. Do they have mirrors? Any sense of matching at all? Obviously not. A navy blazer with black pants (I'm not a fan of black and navy together)...faded blue work pants with a brown tweed jacket! Wtf? Remember KISS...keep it simple, stupid. If you have no fashion sense, just invest in a nice pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt, and leave it at that. Sheesh. It's not difficult, and if you are smart, not expensive, either. Then there are the people here to have their cases heard. Wtf? You're appearing in front of a judge! It's not appropriate to wear sport shorts, tennis shoes, and a plaid shirt! Nor are jeans appropriate. At least a few of the ones wearing jeans have nice dress shirts on top. Now, me...I have on a simple black shirt and nice black dress pants...covered in goddamn cat hair. It wasn't that way, I put them on, was running late, feeding the cats...and the white ones have great timing with their affection. "Oh look...mom has on nice black pants, let's rub against her legs." The amount of cat hair on my calves and ankles is ridiculous. Thanks, kitties. I should keep a lint roller in my car. I know better.

The lady next to me keeps talking to herself, obviously wanting to engage me in conversation. No thanks. I don't easily engage in conversation with strangers. Especially when I'm in a foul mood.

The defense attorney still isn't here. It's now an hour after the time I was called here...waking up at 6 am after working til 10pm...*bitter*

This whole fight is LAME. I'm on anti-seizure meds that make me severely depressed and give me suicidal thoughts. How odd, considering the warning info for this drug states "May cause severe depression and suicidal thoughts." Huh. Imagine that. So I go to my neuro doc all the time and state, "Hi Doc, I want to toss myself off a high building!" So he recommends I see a psychiatrist. The Prozac may not be enough with these seizure meds. Worker's comp said there was "no way in hell" they'd pay for me to see a psychiatrist. Never mind that the seizures and thusly the seizure meds are THEIR fault and responsibility. They WANT me to kill myself, then they don't have to pay out any more money for me. Bastards. Money is a lot more valuable than human life to these types. They just don't give a damn. There are days I'm thisclose to offing myself...and they don't care.

Is a psychiatrist going to be able to stop me from wanting to die? Doubtful. Is there a med strong enough to counterbalance the depressive effects of the seizure meds? Doubtful. Not much hope here.

I really want this house just outside of Nashville. No, I don't have the money for it. I'm hoping my Dad will help me with a downpayment. Then I'm going to move there and pursue a singing career. The acting hasn't exactly panned out. I'd still be able to pursue singing and live SO much cheaper. LA is just draining me, financially and emotionally. I love a lot about LA, definitely love California much better than the South...but I'm getting worn down. Traffic is insane, and I'm in it all the time. The freeways are full of bad, inconsiderate drivers out here. Most of them prolly don't even have licenses. I love the weather, but due to global warming, the summers are getting more and more hot and humid. Gas prices are through the roof, nearing $4 a gallon. Food prices, the prices of everything are crazy. I'm pissing rent money down the drain every month, and I'm fortunate to have an incredibly good deal for out here! I'm really lucky, and STILL struggling every month. Every month, I worry about rent. And this home will never be mine. At the going rate, I will never be able to afford to BUY a place out here. Dinky 2BD condos in bad areas cost around $250-350K, minimum. My friend bought a ONE bedroom APARTMENT for $330K! The house I want in TN is huge and $160K! That's just insane! And most of the neighborhoods that are remotely affordable are complete dumps. You have 2 inches of yard, and 5 feet between you and your neighbor. I priced a house for sale in my hood. I live in the GHETTO! It is NOT a nice area. And the houses are tiny. This one down the street from me...tiny 2BD, 1BA, approx 900 square feet, no yard to speak of, dangerous area...$450K! Unbelievable! And people in my hood have like 15 people living in these 2BD, 1BA houses! Crazy! I want to own a house, but not a tiny dump in the ghetto, thanks. I'd rather switch my dream around a bit to emphasize singing, and live in a virtual mansion for $160K! I look at these houses in TN and think I've died and gone to heaven! I could only dream of something so nice.

So if my dad is able to help me with a downpayment...or I win the lotto...I'm outta here. I just wish I could take all my friends with me. :-(
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