Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

Life sucks

It really, really does.

I was finally close to signing an agent.

Didn't happen. I believe their reason...it still sucks.

The industry is in trouble, overall, thanks to Osama bin Laden. Not many commercials are being shot, not many films or new shows, etc. Work is in short supply. They said it wouldn't be fair to sign me, because there isn't enough work to send me on. He said that it was truly a long & hard decision, & to "please try again" at the first of the year or whenever things start to pick up, "if things haven't changed" for me. Meaning if I get another agent between now & then. Please. As I pointed out to him, if they are in this situation, every other agency is, too, so why would it be any different anywhere else? Why would another agency sign me on if it's slow everywhere? Plus, I am in a touch category, so they say. But I disagree....I am not a cookie-cutter, Hollywood blonde.

How am I ever supposed to make it? No one will even give me a chance. I sent a bunch of headshots/resumes out to several different casting directors, & I haven't heard a peep. One reason could be that they don't generally give the time of day to people who don't have representation. But no one will represent me. I know I have the talent, the looks, the charisma...but no one will give me a chance.

Whatever. Life sucks.

Same old story....I am so behind on bills, it's scary. I need $80 for cable (behind, so that's two months), $200 for phone (behind, so that's two months), cell phone is about $40, I need $190 for one storage unit (behind, so that's 2 months), $340 for another (way behind), $168 for car insurance, $170 for health insurance, $150 for a medical payment, $800 for rent, & I am sure there are some other bills, too. I would have had some money to pay off at least the cell, but I had to break down & buy groceries....I didn't have any food to eat.

On the job front....I worked a temp job yesterday that basically had me in tears. I stood on my feet for 8 hours stuffing American flags into envelopes for mailing. They wouldn't let us sit down, & I had to lean over a table all day. My back, my knees, & my feet hurt so bad by the end of the shift that I seriously wanted to cry. People at rehearsal said that I looked terrible. Today, my back, tricep, & calf muscles are SORE! SORE! As if I worked out for hours! And all this pain for $7/hr. About $40 after taxes. **sigh**

My friend, Tony, is talking to his friend JD about me. Apparently, JD manages a dance club in Hollywood called Dragonfly. Tony is going to see if they could use a cocktail waitress, or anything. I know the saying goes "Beggars can't be choosers," but I will be a little choosy. I also asked a friend who manages a hotel if they could use anyone there...heck, I will be a housekeeper, I will do laundry. Isn't it funny? I will wash strangers semen off sheets but I won't be a food server. Well, one deals with people who can be nasty, one is somewhat isolated from the public. So I am definitely trying to find something. As of this week, I am also completely free Mon-Thur. for background work, but like the agent said, work in the industry is slow right now. I could be available Mon-Thurs. & get nothing. Even the temp agency is slow...when I turned down the flag stuffing job for today (they wanted us all back), there was nothing else to do instead. So I didn't get any work today. But it's not worth my health. But I am sooooo broke.

I might get money from a friend tomorrow, $500, which is a HUGE help, but I need about $1000 more, JUST to catch up. If I could only get caught up, I feel like I could get back to normal (paying bills on time), cause I feel like one of these jobs will pan out & some money will start coming in. I am just in trouble.

It looks like I MIGHT get steady background work on "Friends." It looks like Courteney Cox-Arquette requested me back on the show. Central Casting called me yesterday about working this week, Thurs/Fri. But because of rehearsals, I can't do it. And now the show opens, so I can't work "Friends" for 3 weeks, at least. And that's only if they ask me back again. **sigh** If I could even get 3 days of extra work a week, in addition to Knott's on the weekends, I could actually make things work (AFTER getting caught up, of course).

I try so hard to remain optimistic. But it's tough.
It's really, really tough.

On a positive note....I met "shebear." She is someone I have known online for years. We got off to a most definitely rocky start, but somehow, despite our many differences, came to an understanding. She is delightfully sarcastic, I enjoy her brief blurbs online in our group. She was a delight to meet. She acts like she's nothing to look at, but she is a pretty girl. Gorgeous eyes. Funny, intelligent, what more could someone ask for? It was a pleasure to meet her (& I am not just saying that because she might read this!). ;-
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