Sorry to report it...but it's true.
I know some people seem to---inexplicably---envy my life.
NOTHING is going right. Nothing. Just when I pull myself out of my doldrums, something pulls me right back down. It's as if I am battling a powerful, invisable force that absolutely does NOT want me to remain positive for long. I'll have a positive day, & then the next, be right back in the pits of dispair.
I am at a point where I am scared to death. I don't know what to do. I cannot get out from under my tremendous stress. I swear, I am gonna have a heartattack soon.
I feel guilty complaining about my life, when I know others have it much worse. I mean, I have a roof over my head (for now, since paying rent is a major issue here), a truck that drives, food in my belly, a family who, while they don't understand me & won't help me, loves me. Great friends. Don't get me wrong...I am VERY grateful for all that I DO have. Very grateful. But sorry....I am down. It happens. I want to just lay down in my bed & never get back up...just waste away. I won't do it, of course, but I won't be dishonest that the feelings aren't there. Life is tough for me right now. I am faced with questions that I simply don't know the answer to, no matter how much I struggle to find the answers, pray, etc.