I am trying to be a good friend.
My friend, Amy, just got dumped by her boyfriend, Rashad. Her heart is absolutely broken. She has been staying with me since Monday. I have been comforting her, making her meals, etc.
For one thing, I have been reminded why I can't have roommates. Things used & not put back where they belong, hair in the drain catcher left for me to remove, snotty kleenexes for me to throw away, & the TV left on all night for me to pay the electricity bill, etc.
Beyond that, I just haven't gotten much sleep. Yesterday, she was over the shock, & just wanted to talk about him & the break up conversation NON-STOP. "And another thing is....," over & over again. And she continually talked about him taking her back, why won't he take her back, what about what SHE wants, if she respects his wish for "space," shouldn't he respect her wish of staying together. I keep trying to explain to her that he's made it clear that he wants this space. He's made it really clear. She's not getting it, & it's a side of her I have never seen. She is this really strong personality. She will kick people's asses for looking at her the wrong way. But when it comes to Rashad, she's a whiny baby. He even commented how she had gotten too clingy, & she had. Her mother asked her why she was so desperate to get him back. She has guys EVERYWHERE she goes asking for her number. She's pretty & funny. I keep telling her you should WANT a partner, not NEED a partner. A partner should COMPLEMENT you, not COMPLETE you. You should be complete on your own.
As compassionate & understanding as I am trying to be, the non-stop whining started to grate at me. Because it was irrational whining. Not just "I'm sad" whining, but "he HAS to take me back" pathetic whining. But I just take a deep breath & console her the best I can.
This morning, she crawled into my bed at 5AM & curled up against me, BAWLING. Keep in mind, I sleep topless! *wink* I put my arm around her & let her cry, heart breaking sobs, for almost an hour, & then I HAD to shower, or we would have been late to work. She cried all the way there, & sobbed non-stop at work, even in the Lucy costume, so our supervisor ended up sending us home...cause Rebecca was crying in Linus, too (her dad had a heart attack this morning).
I feel helpless. I started to feel an aching in my chest, taking her sorrow on me. She is my friend, I love her, & want to help her, & definitely don't like to see her sad like this. But what do you say? I am trying to be gentle with the truth. He made himself pretty clear. Told her he didn't want to see her for a couple of weeks at all, & only MAYBE talk on the phone a couple of times. He told her not to page him, that he would call her when he wanted to talk to her. Told her to give him a year to get his shit together (he has no job & no money), but then told her that he MIGHT scam on other girls at clubs, IF he "gets drunk." He then asked her if she would buy him a pack of smokes & a hot dog, cause he was hungry. *sigh* She did.
I keep telling her, as gently as possible, that he obviously does not want to be with her, at least, not now. That she needs to move on. Let him go. Find her old, tough self. She became so clingy, so desperate, so WEAK with him.
But my heavens...I am so worried about her. She's only 21. This is her first heart break. She rarely cries at all, so to see her have these body shaking sobs non-stop has been draining me. I want to help her. I want her to stop hurting. But there's just nothing I can do. She has to go through this on her own...like I did, like anyone does.
I have faith that she will be fine.