Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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I have a stomachache. You know what I ate today? A peanut butter & jelly sandwich on squaw bread. Yep....that's all I ate all day. And I have a bad, rumbly stomachach. WTF?

Why is that all I ate? Many reasons. (1) Whatever's wrong with my stomach, I suffer pain and/or discomfort whenever I eat, so I just don't want to eat at all anymore, & if I do, only mostly bland stuff. (2) Just haven't had much of an appetite. Too much on my mind. (3) I have NO money for food. I checked my account today, I had $28...and I just filled up my truck for $25. So yeah...no food for me. That's fine. It upsets my stomach no matter what I eat, & I need to lose weight anyway. I figure I have so much fat, my body will stay nourished for some time. It would be GREAT to have my stomach tested to see exactly WHAT is wrong with me (according to my symptoms, it could be an ulcer, IBS, Crohn's disease, or stomach cancer), but nope...can't afford the test. It's over $1000, & not covered by insurance. Ain't that grand? Health care in America...gotta love it.

Why am I awake when I am working on a TV show tomorrow??? Wellllll....it was canceled. Yup, my shoot for "Providence" was canceled. No $100 for me. I FINALLY book some work...& they cancel it. *sigh* My luck. Yep...the 1st is just around the corner, & look at me, $875 short for the bills I have to pay on the 1st. Imagine that.

I have been giving part-time jobs some thought. I wanted to apply for Jamba Juice early this week, but work up really sick on Monday, & that's not the first impression I want to make. So I might do it tomorrow, or definitely Friday. But I'm thinking....how is it going to work? Usually, when you take on these piddly, minimum wage jobs, they expect you to have pretty free availability. After all, you are a newbie, & get all the shit shifts. So I need to go into someplace, & say, "Well, let's see. I am available up until around 3-4 o'clock on Thurs.-Sun., F/A Mon/Tues/Wed. for the month of October, & then in November, I am available only Mon-Fri, not weekends, & then in December, I might only be available 2 days a week." Yeah, that sounds great. I am SURE they will be willing to work around all that. *sigh* And then if I DO get a part-time job, do I let go of my extra agency? I pay them $65/mo. to book me work....if I am not available to work, what's the point in paying them to do nothing? But they have a waiting list...so if I give them up, it would be really difficult to get them back in the future.

So I just don't know what I am going to do. Maybe I will be a lady of the evening. Think I can earn money that way??? Heck, men use us for sex all the time, might as well get paid for it, right? (That's a joke.)

I keep telling God that something has to change. Meanwhile, I will keep praying that He just brings me home already. I'm tired.
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