Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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I have been really proud of myself.

For a while, I couldn't resist the temptation to read ex-friends journals. Their journals were like magnets....especially the living joke. The last one I looked at, I was reading to see if I read a thank you to me....read in vain, no less. But hers was even the only one I had read in forever. But since then, I haven't read any of them. Sure, I still get stuff reported back to me by people on my friends list who DO read their journals (we do have some mutual friends, & I am also sure there are some "lurkers" involved, since these ex-friends made some enemies) from time to time, but even that is infrequent. I decided it was better for my delicate mental health to NOT read people I used to care about say cruel & usually false things about me. I don't know what happened, but I FOUND willpower. I just don't go to their journals anymore. I just don't. I am sure they won't believe me (I am 99.9% positive THEY still read MY journal), but it's the truth. And I have always admitted it in the past, so why lie now? There's no shame in lurking....I just don't do it anymore. It was hurtful to me. A few of them I genuinely cared about, & it hurt me to read cruel comments. It's been so much better for me to no longer read them. YAY me! It's been healthy for my mental health to move on. I certainly hoped (& still hold out hope, you know, being the cockeyed optimist I am) they had done the same, but knowing them, I am the most exciting thing they have to talk about most of the time (especially the one). Some of them seem inclined to simply be nasty, spiteful, bitter people. They cannot let go. That's sad.

Of course, a mutual friend gets the raw end of the deal. I don't read HER journal much anymore, either...because inevitably, one of these ex-friends (whom she's still friends with) will say something nasty about me in HER journal, too...and since she won't control it, I don't read her stuff much anymore, either. Not fair, but oh well.
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