July 29th, 2001

real Alice

What a great day!

Wow.....today was such a good day in some respects.

I can never make anyone understand how important performing is to me. People tell me I need to get a "real job" & leave performing behind. I would seriously rather be dead. Seriously.

I performed in the saloon today. It's SUCH a fun show, I cannot say it enough. The part was written for me, even the writer said so (after she saw me do it). I worked with Jeff today, he is the only Dan I haven't worked with yet. OHMIGOSH.....we had the BIGGEST blast! I cannot remember a time I had so much fun onstage. It was the first day we have worked together (aside from a quick run-through weeks ago at rehearsal), & we just had major chemistry together (he's gay, so it's not THAT kind of chemistry). The other Dans, Bob & Ron, are fine. But they are both in their 40's, & since I look 18 (some say younger, some say a bit older), it's kinda creepy since we are supposed to have a romance. But Jeff is younger, & looks younger, & is closer to my height, so visually, it's better. While Bob is fun & a great guy, he doesn't really make eye contact onstage, & I find that distracting. Ron is kinda stiff & not playful. Jeff, on the other hand...yikes! HE plays SO much! He's so funny! We were laughing so hard during a few shows that we were having fits of giggles in between lines!

The last show was the best. My friends Joel & Jackie were there from Loss Prevention. Jackie has seen me do it almost every single day I have done it (I think 4 days total). She said that, literally, her whole day was made after seeing THIS show, cause it was so funny. Joel thought it was hysterical. And audience members were walking out commenting on Jeff & I, saying, "Those two sure were energetic & funny!"
I saw the tech afterwards in the parking lot, & said, "So what did you think of that last show?" (I have never talked to this tech before, but he works the show quite a bit.) He said, "I can tell you honestly, that's the best & funniest show I have ever seen in there." I take that as a massive compliment, because he has seen MANY shows in there. And since we are not friends & don't even know each other, he had no reason to falsely comment. His tech booth is in the balcony, & when there are people up there, particularly standing, he can't really see the stage. The audience was laughing so hard, I noticed that the tech was standing on his chair in the booth trying to see what was going on.

So let me tell you about the show. Nothing I describe will be nearly as funny as it actually was...since it's probably one of those "ya had to be there" situations.

First of all, to save his life, Jeff can't get the cup dance right. It's a rhythmic thing, & I guess he doesn't have much. You have to clap your cups together on certain beats, & he ALWAYS screws up....& it ain't hard, which is what makes it so funny. And we all laugh whenever he screws up. When I interrupt Dan to give him his mail (all bills), he is supposed to cut me off at a certain point, & then I say a line. In an earlier show, he never cut me off, & my line didn't make sense unless he cut me off, so I never said it....finally the girls ran up to say their lines, & we all had the giggles. This time he cut me off, but before I could launch into my line, he says, "Noooooooo mooooooore maaaaaail!" Which reminded me of an old family joke. (The day before leaving for a week long cruise, my mother bought 2 gallons of milk, & force fed it to my sister & dad.....after many glasses of it, my dad says, "Nooooooo, moooooooother, no moooooooore miiiiiiiiiiilk," as to imply he was turning into a cow.) Then I say my line that leads into my solo ("Windy City," from "Calamity Jane."), which is, "I just rode in from Chicagee (Chicago)!" Apparently, the white trash family in the balcony was from Chicago, so they screamed when I said that, & kinda kept screaming. I wanted to yell out, "Have another beer, sir!" Then I go to do a certain bit of choreography where I am supposed to step next to Dan & be shoulder-to-shoulder, so I can playfully punch him. Well, I step over to be next to him, & he's all the way on the other side of the stage....granted, it's not a large stage, but still. When I finish, Jeff reminds me that I am just a postal worker, but gee, thanks for the song. The Chicago guy yells out, "Shoot him!" (I have a gun.) I replied, "I would sir, trust me." Dan leaves the stage, & as the girls are telling me that maybe they can get Dan to take me to the "barn dance," Jeff is offstage making barn animal noises. We pulled up my friend Joel for the "volunteer" part (I say it in quotes because the guy doesn't really volunteer, he's picked), which was funny, cause he was really nervous. The audience thought the whole volunteer section was hysterical. It is always funny, but gosh, it makes such a difference with an appreciative audience! And then Jeff makes a million different improvs, & I just have to go with it.
Finally, I run offstage for my dramatic costume change. (Jeff asks the audience if he should take me to the barn dance, & they all screamed "yes," & the Chicago family started a "Dusty" chant that reminded us all of a Jerry Springer show!). I go from having no hair (all piled up under a cowboy hat) & cowboy clothes, to my long hair down & a long pink dress on with poofy sleeves & lace trim. Before going out onstage, when the guys (Jeff, Eric the piano player, & Aaron the drummer) look over to the wing, where I am standing, I bent over & showed them a cleavage shot. Eric's jaw dropped & Jeff momentarily lost his composure. Jeff calls me out onstage, & when I come out, the crowd goes nuts. They whistled, cat-called, hooted, hollered....I almost look like a different person, which is odd, since all that changes is my hair & clothing. Once the audience calms down, I prance "gracefully" around Jeff, & then trip....on purpose of course. So Jeff says, "Dusty, you are so pretty....and clumsy!" He says his lines normally, & then launches into our duet ("You Made me Love You"), all smaltzy & overly-dramatic. So I start laughing....and he busts up. He actually had to stop the song mid-line because he was laughing so hard, which made the audience just lose it, & made me laugh harder....so he's laughing & notices that I start laughing harder....and then he places his entire hand over my face & pushes me backwards....which makes the audience almost fall out of their chairs with laughter. Finally, he starts singing again, & while some of my notes were shaky (it's hard to hit the right notes when you have a laugh in your throat!), I did okay....until the end of the song. But...in the middle, we stop singing & have some dialogue. We exchange lines, & when I said, "Oh, Dan," he says, "Dusty," & I said, "Dan," & he said, "Dusty," & I said, "Dan," & he said, "Dusty, Dusty, Dusty," & I said, "Dan, Dan, Dan,".....and finally he says, "Ok, we have our names established now. Let's move on." So then we sing so more, & from starting on opposite sides of the stage, we are supposed to cross & then I take his hand, twirl in, & sit on his bended knee. Well, he goes to cross, arm outstretched to me.....and PASSES me & walks to the other side of the stage like he is going to exit the stage. So I start laughing so hard again I couldn't finish the song...but I kept lipping the lyrics! Go figure! This whole time, things were not helped by the fact that my friend Aimee, who was playing the Can-Can dancer, Dixie, & is as silly as me, was standing in the wings laughing so hard that Amy, playing Trixie, came up to see what was going on. I am a contagious laugher....if others are laughing, I will laugh, too. So Trixie comes out, & reminds Dan/Jeff that everyone came to see the Can-Can, so Jeff announces, "Ladies & gentlemen, Dixie & Tixie!" It is, of course, "TRIXIE." So the dancers come out laughing. We go to sit on our truck while the dancers do the Can-Can, & Jeff just starts babbling. He says, "I was bit by a mosquito once. I got a powder to help with the fleas & tixies." He kept making "tixie" jokes. The funniest part of that was, while also keeping me in stitches the whole time, there was a table of people in the front that heard everything he said, & laughed their asses off at everything (at everything the entire show, actually, they were GREAT!). They got a real kick out of him.

It was truly the greatest show, & Jackie said it made her day, & it was obvious how much fun we were having. The audience loves it when you screw up & screw around, cause they feel like they are part of the joke. We set out mainly to amuse ourselves, cause audiences had been so quiet all day, but it's great when you can amuse yourselves AND the audience. It is SOOOO rewarding to me to make people laugh. It's truly my goal in life. I LOVE making people laugh, and I think we need more laughter in the world. It made me feel so blessed to have the talent I have, & made me wish SO badly that I could do that show every day with Jeff & Aimee & Eric....cause we had SOOO much fun. That is what life is all about. If I couldn't do what I am doing....I might as well be dead.
real Alice

What a crock.....

I finally heard back from Franco. Email after email went completely ignored. I didn't actually send him that many, & it was over the course of 3-4 weeks. I sent him the initial one, & then I mostly just sent him pictures of us, with no real writing attached, & then I sent him one a few days ago giving him the heads up that I had written to the CEO of Royal Caribbean to say that Cruise Director Kyle sucked & Franco should be promoted, just in case the CEO contacted them. I certainly would have thought I would have gotten a response from that one, since I went out of my way to do that. Finally, Friday I emailed him & asked him if there was any particular reason he was ignoring me....was it something I did? I explained I had no delusions about any relationship between us, but certainly thought we'd remain friends, considering. I said I was confused at to why he would ignore me, & that while I had no proof he had even checked his email yet, I strongly suspected he had. This morning, I finally got a response (what there is of it):

"Hey Cassie!

Oh my God!!! Not at all! It's just that I'm so busy...I don't know if I told you, but I've taken the position of Cruise Director (only for the Italian guests) and now there are 368 of them, and
NOBODY speaks Italian here...so I'm really busy...but ofcourse I want to remain friends...and
friends we shall be for ever!

I'll write again...gotta run. Thanks for your signature on my site!!!

xxx

franco"

Wow.....exciting, isn't it? :-(

All that wait, all that wondering....and that's what I get. "....don't know if I told you....," of course he didn't tell me, that's the first peep I have heard out of him since the cruise, & when I was there, he hadn't taken on that job. Numnut. At least he finally had the decency to respond, cause he realized I was getting irked. He knew he owed me at LEAST that. "...friends we shall be forever...," spare me. Friends keep in touch, at least. He had on the signs on the cruise of sincerely caring about me. I guess he just has the act down really well. I imagine he is happy as a clam on that ship. He doesn't have to pay rent, he's friendly so he has plenty of friends within the crew. He gets to drink booze at a substantial crew discount. He gets to party all he wants at night. His food is paid for. And he gets a different woman (women?) every week to romance. That should be just about every man's dream....a different girl in every port, they say....in his case, it's more like a different girl (girls?) on every cruise, at least one per week. I might not have been the only girl he hooked up with the week I was there....although he did only have one day off, & he spent it with me. Big whoop....lucky me. Nah, it was fun, & I knew, deep-down, that it was only a fling. How could I have maintained anything with someone who lives on a cruise ship in the Mediterranean? And besides, he has too many nasty habits that I could not & would not have put up with on a more permanent basis.

It is just disappointing, that's all. I am now sure he was talking out his ass, but he talked so much about having me come stay with him on the ship when he got his own room, he talked endlessly about "when we are married," he called me his "girlfriend," he ate dinner with my entire family, in front of everyone in the 2nd seating dining room, he didn't even attempt to have sex with me, he spent his only day off with me, he told his mother about me.....those things just don't seem like the actions of someone who only wants a little booty.

If I EVER figure out men, I would write a best-seller. But that ain't gonna happen. I don't understand why men can't just be straight-forward.
I would have been content with just having a cruise ship fling, HE was the one making it sound like more. He practically got upset when I commented that the last night on the ship was probably the last time we would ever see each other. Go figure.....cause I can't. It doesn't make a bit of sense to me.
real Alice

New member of the family

I just adopted a new doggie from the pound. I am experiencing many different emotions.

She is a 4 year old Australian Shepherd mix. She is at least medium sized....I think she weighs too much for me to pick her up. She has the sweetest, prettiest face. I took her outside to the "test drive" area, to see if she liked ME (I am a firm believer that they pick YOU as much as you pick THEM). She was doing what the Animal Match lady (Marybeth) calls the "Australian Shepherd lean," which is how they lean against you when they like you. She certainly seemed to like me. She licked my face, & when I decided to adopt her, she wouldn't leave my side. Now that I have her home, she still won't leave my side.
I bathed her in the driveway, cause she was pretty dirty. I am going to take her to the groomers to get shaved & groomed. She's long haired, & I would rather her be at least trimmed, & I am sure she'd be more comfortable, too. I have all kinds of new family member emotions....will she get along with Toby? Will she get along with the cats? How much will she eat, how much will it cost to feed her (she's big)? How am I gonna afford the flea stuff? Will she like it here? Will she like me? Will everything work out? <> I am such a worrywart. She certainly seems to be liking me so far. She is very comfortably asleep at my feet. I have 3 days to take her to a vet for a free health check, I hope she's healthy. She cost less than I expected, because she is already spayed. She must have been someone's dog.

I fell in love with some other dogs, too. I wish I had a huge house with a huge backyard so I could have more dogs. I fell in love with this adorable, soft, cuddly, playful Vizsla....he was just a puppy, though. I almost adopted him, but Marybeth said that those breeds (pointers) do NOT get along with cats. It's not that they are vicious creatures by any means, it's just that their instinct is to chase & kill small prey. She wanted me to adopt him, & then when I mentioned that I had cats, she was like, "I would never put this dog with a cat." There was a really cute, friendly Staffordshire, but she didn't think he'd be good with a small dog like Toby. They tend to be dominant, since they are part Pit. There was a little love of a dog that they were claiming was a Rottweiler mix....but she really didn't look anything like a Rott, except maybe in the coloring. She was so playful & sweet, & a licker! But she was not available yet. Then there was this gorgeous German Shepherd mix....she didn't look anything like the police dogs, she was tan with a stunningly beautiful face. She was a sweet licker, too, & really seemed to like me, but she was on hold til the 26th for a possible owner. Apparently, she has an owner, & this is her 3rd impound, so they are either letting her out of the fence, or she is jumping it. There was also a black lab that looked EXACTLY like Toby only bigger, but he was not available yet, either.

Toby just barked all aggressively at Penny...I hope that's not going to be a regular occurance.
:-(