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Where am I going & why am I in this basket???
 
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Tuesday, August 14th, 2001

Time Event
11:41p
More drama, & some good stuff
Today was mostly a good day.

I got called to audition for the 3 day reading of "Happy Days, The Musical," produced by Garry Marshall. It would be so awesome to get that. If I did the reading, I'm sure I'd have a good chance at the actual show. I did well, they seemed pleased, but I have no idea what they are looking for, so who knows? It was exciting, anyway.

Before that, I washed my car...and boy did it need it. While I was doing that, some guy walked up & paid me $40 for the old stove in my driveway. Yea! I was going to have to hire someone to take it away....and hey, that's an extra $40 in my pocket that is sorely needed! I can eat this week! Whoopee!

I have a personal ad on AOL. Today, I got a response from someone looking for people over 23 living in LA to be on a new game show. It said to call "Jackie" if interested. That piqued my curiousity, because I did the MTV game show "Trashed" a few years ago, & the woman casting it was named Jackie...and she later had me do a test show for her, too. She liked me. So I called the number, & she got on the phone. I told her I had received an email about the show, but basically just wanted to know if she used to cast "Trashed." She said, "Yes, I did....do I know you?" So she remembered me, & we ended up chatting & laughing for a while....and she wants me to interview for this new show. She cast "Big Brother," so I asked her why she didn't pick me. She said, "Did you turn in a video?" I told her I did, & then she told me to consider myself lucky that I didn't get on it, cause she wouldn't wish those people on her worst enemy. She said this new show was a cross between "Real World" & "Blind Date." If chosen for the pilot (it's for NBC), I would have to be shut in a house for 1 week....if chosen for the actual show (IF it's picked up), I would have to be in the house for 8 weeks! I guess they put you in a house with potential mates....she said it was for people who seriously want to find their "perfect match." Is there such a thing?
;-�

So anyway....the talk was positive, & she should definitely be calling me for an interview....and I think I should have a good shot. That would be such great exposure....

So that part of the day was wonderful....$40 I wasn't expecting, getting that damn stove out of my driveway finally, having a good audition for something cool, & setting up an interview for a cool new game show.

Then I went over to Jeff's.

<>

So much for my good day.

I guess it had to come to an end.

I had thought that we were going to make a nice dinner & watch my show, & walk the dogs, swim, etc.

I didn't realize he had invited other people. His 20 year old friend, Andra, was one of them. She was a very nice girl, with a good heart. But she has some MAJOR baggage. She is an alcoholic chain-smoker. What's funny is that Jeff told me she wouldn't touch my casserole, because it had cheese in it, & she's really "health conscious." Oooooookkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyy....so that explains the booze, the cigarettes, the occasional weed, & the occasional line of cocaine she snorts. That sounds REALLY health conscious to me.

She also apparently has a "friend" & her boyfriend staying at her place....and the friend, Amber, is a heroin addict. Apparently, there was a REALLY ugly scene last night, when Amber was tripping. Andra told her last night she had to clean up or get out (they have no where else to stay), & she said she would. But today, Andra called over there, & Amber was on heroin again. And then tried to get Andra to buy her some more....and later tried to borrow $25 from Andra to buy some more. And they are supposed to be helping Andra out with rent. This heroin addicted couple are also porn stars....what high-class people. So Andra & Jeff dragged me over to her place so she could get some valuables (she was worried Amber would sell them to get drugs), & that was just not an atmosphere I wanted to be part of. You can't possibly find someone more against drugs than I. And Andra, bless her young heart, kept asking me for advice (she begged me to come with them to the house), & I was telling her to kick them out. But she cares about them, so she can't bring herself to do that. She is complaining that they have essentially kicked her out of her own place...but she needs to use "tough love" & kick THEM out. This girl is NOT a friend to put her in this position. Yes, I understand how awful addiction is. But this girl isn't willing to go to rehab or get help....therefore, I have no sympathy for her.

So I just kept feeling all this negative energy. Jeff & Andra kept fighting like an old married couple, which was driving me nuts. Jeff says she drives him nuts....yet he is letting her stay with him. She made a point to tell me that I had nothing to worry about if Jeff & I were dating, since they were just old friends. I pointed out that Jeff & I were just friends, too, so no worries. Since Jeff told me he didn't want to get romantically involved with anyone, we ARE just friends. But her comment surprised me, cause I wonder what Jeff said to her regarding me that made her think we were dating? I would think he would have just described me as a friend.

She started getting upset because Jeff ran out of beer. That is pathetic. She claimed she didn't need it PHYSICALLY, but MENTALLY, because of what was going on. Right. Cause booze ALWAYS solves your problems, doesn't it? Jeff had been drinking beer, too, & it's the one drink I cannot handle. The smell of beer---particularly on someone's breath---is enough to make me want to puke. So that irritated me. The fact that he was letting her drink when she is underage annoyed me, too. I cannot stand adults that supply alcohol to minors. I do not disagree necessarily that the drinking age SHOULD be lowered....but the fact of the matter is, until it IS lowered, drinking under 21 is illegal.

Then 3 more of Jeff's friends showed up....with a 12 pack of beer. That was about the end of the line for me. And although these 3 people seemed very nice, normal, & laid back, I just hate being around beer. And I thought Jeff & Andra had already had plenty. It's just not an atmosphere I care to be around, like I said. Jeff & Andra had wine with dinner, & I don't mind being around wine.....but I DETEST beer.

Jeff seemed genuinely disappointed that I was leaving. He obviously didn't want me to go. He told me I was welcome to spend the night, he'd wake me up at 7AM, as usual. I said that I was really tired, that it had been a long, tiring day.
I was not really tired yet, but I wanted to get the flock out of there. So he walked me & the dogs to my car. He again said I could spend the night....and that even if I wanted to go to sleep right then, he could set me up in the front bedroom so I could sleep. But I said I was leaving. I think that's for the best. Spooning with a guy I am attracted to while he's telling me he can't get involved is confusing poor little 'ole me. So he wouldn't let me drive away. He just didn't want me to leave. He even said that he really didn't want to go back inside.
But I politely told him I really needed to go, & we made plans to go hear a band play on Thursday night.

He said that watching Amber trip out addicted to heroin has really made him reconsider his tendency to "dabble" in drugs. I said, "Well, some people learn from lessons, others don't." I pointed out how a friend of mine in high school almost died after a bad hit of acid...and all his acid-doing friends swore they would never touch the stuff again. As soon as the kid recovered, they were all doing acid again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I hope he took my comment as pointedly as I meant it.

I am planning dates with two other guys. I want to tell him about the dates, to see his reaction. Not really to "play games," but just to see if he seems jealous.

I feel he is interested, but that he is seriously commitment-phobic, which is understandable since his divorce was only final in February (after she cheated on him).

I am conflicted....I am sure the offer will be extended to stay the night on Thursday, since we will be out late. The temptation is there. I genuinely like him, & wouldn't mind being spooned...but then that causes some obvious confusion. So I don't know what to do....

What a mess....

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