November 7th, 2001

real Alice

(no subject)

OK.....I never thought I would utter these words: The "Buffy" episode last night was REALLY stupid.

I LOVE "Buffy." It's such a well-written, well-acted show. But...ummm...if you are going to do a mostly singing episode, you really should either have actors who can all sing well, or dub their singing voices with people who CAN sing. I tried so hard to enjoy the episode, but bad singing literally hurts my ears. It was very difficult for me to listen to this episode, especially without wondering WHY they didn't just have these actors lip-sync, with the exception of Anthony Stewart Head, who can actually sing. Sarah Michelle Geller was on Leno the other night, & she admitted straight out that she was NOT a singer & never wanted to do an episode like this again. Good for her. I am sure the other actors would admit the same thing....but Joss Whedon should have realized it & dubbed the voices.

I also kept thinking of things on a vain standpoint. I might have mentioned before that the actress who plays Willows girlfriend, Tara, was in a show with me long ago. We did "Snow White & the Seven Dwarves" together, when I was about 15 & she was probably about 10 or so. She was a homely little girl, & worse than that, I thought she was a bad actress. Now, all that could have been the thoughts of a cocky, "I know everything" 15 year old, but I truly felt she was homely & untalented & bratty. I sit on my ass, no major credits to my "talented & attractive" butt, while she is starring on a major TV show in a major role. Go figure. She is still not what I would call beautiful, but she certainly did the ugly ducking/swan thing, cause she's actually attractive now. I think her acting has improved, too, although I still don't think she's great, & others have said they think she's pretty bad. Regardless, I sit here & think that *I* could have had that role. And *I* can actually sing, so I could have been an asset in that musical episode.

Obviously, God has some other plan for me....I wasn't meant to make it big yet....I apparently still have some lessons to learn, some more suffering to experience. And who knows...maybe my fame will be even bigger, more mainstream. There's obviously a plan....I am just not sure what it is.

I am going to see "Flower Drum Song" tonight. There is a revised version in LA starring Lea Salonga. It's supposed to be really good. A guy named Dean who is starring in "Working" with me had an extra ticket. I guess they bought these tickets a long time ago, & then his boyfriend was unable to get off work, or something like that. I am grateful he asked me to go, because Lord knows I couldn't have afforded a ticket on my own. Now if I could only find someone to give me a free "Lion King" ticket! I have been DYING to see that show....but dough.

I bathed my doggie today....that's always a fun experience. He's one of those dogs who is NOT fond of water. But he's a good doggie, so he just stands there & let's me bathe him. He was filthy & smelly. Now he's a clean cutie! clean as a dog can get, anyway.

I am having lots of conflicting emotions regarding Toby (my dog). I truly adore him. I love him to death. But I also know my limitations, & know that he's too much for me to handle. And he doesn't get along with the cats, & my cats come first. But I really want to find him a home where I can still visit him. I don't want to never see him again. But he deserves better than what I have to offer. When I am home, I spend a lot of time on the computer. If he's in the house, I have to have him in this room with me (he will attack the cats or pee on the carpet otherwise). And he goes NUTS over the rat. So, eventually, I tire of his hyper behavior & put him outside, alone, for the entire day. He needs someone who will take him on long walks (I don't have the safest neighborhood for that). He needs a family with young children that will tire him out & give him lots of attention. He deserves lots of love & attention, cause he's the sweetest, smartest, most loving dog. He definitely deserves at least more than a "single mom." But then I would that go over? Getting ANOTHER new owner? Apparently, his owner before me had him for 8 years...his name was something Spanish (sounds like Vee-yea-yo), & he was a happy little doggie. His owner had just re-registered his dog license in OC. I don't know what happened, but it's quite possible his owner was older, died, & the owner's family couldn't keep Toby or didn't want him, so they turned him over to the pound. PEOPLE!!! NEVER TURN A DOG OVER TO THE POUND!!! THEY WILL KILL IT IF NO ONE WANTS IT, & UNLESS THEY ARE A PUPPY, CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT THEY WON'T GET ADOPTED!!!!! Beagles & Buddies rescued Toby from the pound, from "death row." And I adopted him a week later from B&B. Could he handle being given up again? Would he, emotionally, feel rejected again? I can tell, Toby absolutely adores me. He follows me around, & at night, has to snuggle against me before he can sleep. I feel like---but I could be wrong---that it would break his little heart if I gave him up. Of course, I would make sure he went to a great, loving home...but still....wouldn't he be confused & hurt? But I simply don't know if I can care for him properly until the end of his life. So I am seriously conflicted....
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