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Where am I going & why am I in this basket???
 
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Tuesday, December 11th, 2001

Time Event
1:48p
(not LIZ approved) ;-

Why are people so stupid????

I log on & see that I have my usual list of ten guys who want to meet me on Hot or Not. I go to check them out....and the majority said things in their profile about how much they like beer, they love drinking, "420," etc. My profile is VERY specific in that I am not interested in guys who smoke cigarettes or weed, or drink---particularly beer. I'm very clear about it. So....are they just clicking based on the picture alone & not reading the profile? That seems next to impossible, since the profile is only 250 characters in length. That would be incredibly stupid & lazy. Stupid because why in the WORLD would you click on someone without reading a little of what they are about??? I might find the pic of a really hot guy....& then to go on & read his profile to find out that he worships Satan or kills small animals, or has 5 kids, or smokes weed, etc. It's just foolish to not read the profiles. So then if we are to assume that these guys are not lazy assholes, then that means they are even MORE stupid....because they are responding to someone who is specifying that they don't like what they do. That would be like me responding to the profile of a guy who says he dislikes short busty girls, dislikes blonde hair, only wants an Asian girl, etc. Why be so stubborn? Are they so conceited as to think that, despite the things they do that I don't approve of, they will win me over anyway, with their immense charm? Please. Gimme a break. I simply can't figure out why these guys want to waste their time like this. I wouldn't waste my time clicking on someone who wants what I am not, or doesn't want what I am. There are too many people out there who WILL accept you as you are & for what you do, so why waste your time clicking on people who will not? Although, I guess a possible argument is that it doesn't take a lot of time to click on "yes," & move on to the next picture. But it IS an annoying waste of MY time. Maybe I should go back & type into my profile, "Please do not click 'yes' if you drink, smoke, or do drugs." But I SERIOUSLY doubt it would make a difference. And THAT'S what I don't get.

I am getting so frustrated with being a moderator on Hot or Not. It's fun, & passes the time, but the other moderators are stupid. Everytime I reject something---with good reason---the majority of the other moderators accepted the pic/profile...which drops my accuracy rating, even though *I* am in the RIGHT. I rejected several pics/profiles today that were group shots....group shots are only accepted if the person who's posting the pic/profile is distinct in the pic...meaning an arrow pointing at them, their face circled, etc. Well, no one stood out in these group shots I rejected. You couldn't tell who you were supposed to be rating. Therefore, you HAVE to reject it. So I rejected....and THREE other moderators had approved it. HUH??? Do my rating goes down....excuse me? Where is the fairness in that? I rejected ones that had hidden email addresses in it (the profiles cannot contain contact info), & other moderators accepted it. So my rating goes down. I rejected one in which the profile stated that the person was 17 (you must be 18 to post), & 3 other moderators had accepted it. **sigh** I dislike that my accuracy rating is affected by idiots. The only time I am wrong is on the pics where the person LOOKS under 18...you just can't be sure. So sometimes I will reject a picture because the person looks too young...when truly the person might be old enough. That's a tough judgment call. But I am really good at finding hidden emails, & duh, it's not hard to read someone say they are 17, & not hard to know to reject a photo that is a group shot with no one singled out, etc. But I am on a friendly basis with one of the founders of Hot or Not, & he assures me they are not going to drop me as a moderator, that I should just keep doing my best. Hey...my best is all I can ever do.

Things are piling up on me again. I need to make a bunch of CDs for friends & my sister, & I just feel like I am running out of time. 2 of them need to get finished this week, because they are Xmas CDs for Mary & Julie, & they don't want them much later than this week....otherwise, what's the point? Then I have to finish my Xmas CDs, & the 80's CDs for my sister, etc. I had wanted to record a Xmas carol CD of me singing for my grandparents....and then I woke up with a cold this morning. I had a sore throat when I went to sleep last night, & woke up today still having it, plus sniffles & a bad headache. Bummer. I can't sing when I am sick, that's awful for your vocal cords. What terrific timing. :-(

I need money again. Yes, daddy paid December's rent....how is January's getting paid? I am concerned about that. Already. **sigh**

He gave me the daddy speech again. Where is this elusive success, he asks. I said things were going to start happening in April/May, & he said, "Why April/May? Why not January, February, or March?" I explained that to him, about the PhillySwirl guy. If they decide to do the commercials, it will be around April/May. One job I said I might get, he vetoed it...saying I had too much character for it. I also have to keep my dream alive....no matter what.

More later.....

Current Mood: sick
10:31p
***(non-LIZ approved)***

My supervisor made me so mad today, I don't even know if I can put it into words.

He is the kind of person who takes power really seriously. He will make stupid, illogical rules JUST to show his power....."Yeah, this is a lame rule with no logical basis, but na-na-nee-boo-boo, I can make you follow it!"

Today, he pulled two new, stupid, lame-ass rules out of his arse.

First of all, today was his day off. But he obviously has no life, so he came to work anyway. We were in the middle of the Calico show, I was waiting for the characters to come off stage to help them down the stairs, & Tim comes running up to me with his panties in a bunch.
Tim: What's wrong with Linus' pants?
ME: What do you mean?
Tim: Why are they so short?
Me: That's the way they always are.
Tim: No, they're not.
Me: Yes, they have always been too short.
Tim: I have seen this show a million times, they have never looked like that before. Fix them right away!

And then he stormed away to find the escorts.

Linus' pants have been that way since Day One of this show. They are not AS bad on Maranda, since she's shorter, but we have been joking since DAY ONE that Linus is waiting for a flood....or wearing Capris. It's been a running joke, since the day before Thanksgiving. Now he acts like this is a new thing. So when Linus comes offstage, Tim's back there yanking his pants down. But the suspenders keep them hiked up.

Anyway, after the show, I go to First Aid to get some Sudafed & Tylenol, cause I have a cold. I come back & the other girls say, "Hey, wait til you hear Tim's new rule." Apparently, now, whomever is escort for the day (two girls per shift) is responsible to make sure the dressing room/green room is clean & the costumes are put away properly. Excuse me? I have to be the maid/mother for adults? If someone sets their cup on the floor & forgets about it, *I* have to pick up after them? I am not a maid. That is not in my job description. Tim, himself, told me a week ago that the escorts ONLY responsibilities are to assist in dressing/undressing the characters, escorting them to & from shows, & trying to make sure they don't get beat up. That's it. Suddenly, he aids being a maid to our responsibilities. The girls I work with might be young, but they are all over 18...they are adults. I am not their mother, & I am not their maid. If one of them leaves a costume piece on the floor, the escorts will get in trouble. HUH????? In what parallel universe is THAT fair? The person who left the costume piece out should be the one held responsible. I am a STRONG believer in people being responsible for their own actions, & people accepting the consequences of their actions. I have never believed that a bartender is responsible for someone leaving a bar drunk...that is the drunk's responsibility. I should not be responsible for a character leaving their jacket on the floor....THEY should be responsible for that. To make matters worse, we share the dressing room with the carolers....so I asked Tim, "So if a caroler leaves trash on the ground, I am responsible for THEIR trash, too?" Yes, he says. These carolers get paid $150 a day....and now I am supposed to be their glorified maid, too. You have got to be kidding me. His excuse is, "It doesn't take but a second to pick up a cup & throw it away." Sure it doesn't. But time & effort is SO not the point. The point is, I shouldn't be responsible for picking up anyone else's trash....they are all adults.

Now the second rule isn't going to make as much sense to people who don't know the situation. But he wants us to move our heavy wagon into our dressing room every night after our shift. I cannot explain how heavy this thing is. It's a big red wagon that has our sound equipment in it. It also holds a huge stuffed bear, & various decorations for the different holidays. The wagon is very heavy & cumbersome...especially for women who are 5 feet tall. When the wagon is in our dressing room, we have to pull it out past this one tight, sharp corner to get it outside. The wall is completely banged up, plaster missing & everything, because the wagon scrapes by. We don't jerk it through, either, we pull it out gingerly & slowly...& it still bangs everything up. And it knocks the decorations off. Now understand....we have done things the same way---just fine, no problems---for FOUR years. No problems for 4 years. Now he throws this new rule out. I am a FIRM believer in "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
I expressed to him how difficult it was for us to move this wagon past this particular point, & he says "I have faith in you. You can do it." Sure....while knocking off more decorations, more paint, & more plaster. And I will have to move the damn thing every day we work, because Erin goes back for more surgery Jan. 4th, so she won't be able to pull the wagon at all. She had a breast reduction, & one boob has problems. They think the scar tissue might have formed over a nerve. So the 4th, she is going in for surgery to fix the problem. She will not be able to lift or pull anything. Which means *I* will have to pull that damn wagon on days that I play JT AND days that she does...since I will have to do it for her. **Sigh**

He's on a power-trip. And I don't like it. Tomorrow, we are going to do the respectful thing, & go together to talk to him, presenting a united front, & try (I said "TRY") to reason with an unreasonable, power-hungry man. If we get the same, stubborn responses, we are going over his head to his direct supervisor, & if we still don't like the answers, above HIS head. Last time Tim made up a stupid rule that I didn't like, we argued for 15 minutes. He wouldn't budge, wouldn't listen to reason, wouldn't compromise, & finally said, "That's the end of this subject. It's done." So I went over his head, to Julie & Craig (Craig is Tim's supervisor, Julie is Craig's supervisor...and both are cool & fair). Craig & Julie sided with me, & Tim called me, deeply hurt that I went behind his back & over his head. He said that he thought we were good enough friends that I would have come to talk to him again first, before going to Craig or Julie. I said, "But Tim, you said that was the last you had to say on the subject, so how could I have thought you would discuss it further?" **sigh** So, out of respect he doesn't deserve, we are going to him FIRST to discuss it again tomorrow. Erin wanted to go directly to Craig, but I think it's wiser to cover our asses, & TRY to rationalize with Tim first, & if he won't budge, we say, "Well, out of respect to you, then we are informing you that we are now going to go over your head. We will be talking to Craig, & if necessary, Julie." That way, all our bases are covered. He can't give us a guilt trip & we won't get in trouble (you are supposed to go up the chain of command when you have a problem). He is not supposed to pass any new rules without first checking with Craig & Julie. He can't just willy-nilly set new rules left & right. They have to be approved. And I can guarantee he hasn't run these by his supervisors...and he falsely assumes we won't. He is the worst supervisor I have ever had at Knott's (I think I have had 4 besides Tim), & the worst in a long time anywhere (maybe even worse than the homophobic, bitchy supervisor I had at Victoria's Secret). He's a power mad poopy-head.

I honestly don't know how much longer---mentally---I can handle this job. I love my job, I love aspects of it, I get paid well....I love getting paid to do what I love (perform), I love my co-workers....I certainly don't have another job option right now. But this job is mentally beating me down. I was fine til Tim came along...but I don't know how much longer I can handle him.

The most frustrating part is that I like him as a person....we were friendly before he became my supervisor....but I HATE him as my supervisor. He sucks. He is childish & power-mad....not a good combo. So I want to remain friends...yet I can't put up with this crap professionally. I just don't know what to do....

**********************************
I hope I feel better tomorrow.....I have taken Zicam all day. It's supposed to shorten the duration of your cold. I am hoping is works. I am gonna take a Nyquil type thing tonight & hope to get a solid night's sleep. I have a lot to do the next few weeks.

Current Mood: pissed off

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