February 25th, 2002

real Alice

(no subject)

Go figure....

The other day, I was driving down Buena Vista St., minding my own business. The light at the intersection of BV & San Fernando was green, which pleased me, as I was in a hurry to get to the vet's before they closed. Just as I approached the intersection, the woman driving the car in front of me comes to a COMPLETE stop in the middle of the road about 50 feet from the intersection......& just as I honk (remember, the light is green), she decides, "Oooops! I need to be in the left turn lane." )The left turn lane was 2 lanes over, since we were in the right lane.) She slowly moves over from the right lane to the left turn lane, & as I finally am able to get by her stupid ass, the light turns yellow. **sigh**

Do people like this exist JUST to try my patience? I don't have enough crap in my life that I have to get in my car & deal with people like this? To prove to me that truly stupid people exist? Why, GOD, why????
real Alice

A long one, so you should probably skip....

People annoy me.

Even some people that I consider to be my "friends" annoy me. I hate having to sit & evaluate whether I want to keep considering someone a friend, or if I should discard them from my life like a candy wrapper.

When you are obviously irritated about something, sarcasm from a "friend" is probably not appreciated.

When you are obviously irritated about something, having a friend side with a twit in a snippy way probably isn't appreciated either. Pointing out some suspected hyprocrisy in a gentle, friendly way is okay....doing it in an in-your-face way is not.

There are a few people on the net that just drive me nuts. I shouldn't say that, cause honestly, I don't give them that much energy. They drive me nuts when I read their responses, & then when I move on to something else, I tend to forget about it. Why do we tend to give so much energy to people we really don't even know that well? Why do I, in particular, tend to give too much energy to people I don't even like? I think that comes back to an annoying quality of mine....I care too much about what other people think. A childhood goal of mine was to be friends with everyone in the world. The painful adult reality is that that goal isn't nearly possible. Not even close. Even when you are a nice, good person, you can still rub some people the wrong way. I accept that.

I am a bit bummed about a few things. The person who annoys me the most---but always in an entertaining way---we used to be "friends." We used to get along really well. But we had a tiff---due to her overreacting (even her own sister told her she did) about something---and she was so nasty, even though she apologized (in her not really sorry way), I chose not to accept the apology. That was a hard decision for me, because I don't typically hold grudges. I never forget, but I am usually easy to forgive. But I just noticed a general pattern of her not being such a nice person...which she would probably agree to happily. THAT's the kind of human being who scares me....someone who ENJOYS being a bitch. Someone who, when you tell them they are nasty or a bitch or an asshole, etc., they say, "Damn straight! And proud of it!" And they aren't kidding! They are proud to be nasty people! They are proud to not give two shits about the feelings of others. That saddens me. It saddens me when people don't care about the feelings of others. That's a very selfish way to behave. It saddens me when someone is pleased to be called/be a bitch.
But hey...I guess if that works for them....anyway, I am always bummed when a friendship sours. I would MUCH prefer to be friendly with someone than be enemies. It is very much NOT in my nature to be nasty to people. On the rare occasions that I am nasty to someone, you know they have truly pushed my buttons. I will take crap & take crap & take crap until I can't take anymore crap. So it always bums me out to be nasty to people....it's just not in my "Pollyanna" nature. I dislike confrontation, dislike negativity, dislike nastiness. But I WILL defend myself when necessary, & sometimes, my claws will come out.
I am never happy about it or proud of it. I never sit here & think, "Woo-hoo, I think I really hurt her feelings with that one! Yippee!" Sadly....some people DO think that way....and what a shame for humanity THAT is.

And another....there is someone I go back & forth with. Normally, I like her & we get along, but sometimes she can be nasty, too. It's not that often...but when she is, it hurts. Cause this one, I actually like. I wonder if she's aware that she's hurtful, in her tone, sometimes? Sometimes her manner can be brash...and that's not good.

I once had a friend tell me I was too negative & always brought her down. I find that odd. I try to be positive, most of the time. Anyone reading my journal (who doesn't know me well personally) may be surprised by that. But I use my journal for venting, so this is where any negativity that I DO have is going to come out. I have passionate opinions...not all of them are nice. But if you cannot be truthful in your journal...where CAN you be truthful???

Like Tina says, if you don't like something, you don't have to read it (of course, you might not know you don't like it til halfway through!).
If you don't like me, you don't have to be my friend. I LOVE making friends, keeping them is even better. But I don't beg for anyone's friendship, because truly, I don't need it. I mean, yes, it's always nice to have friends you can lean on....but I could live on a desert island & be okay. Lonely at points, yes. But I would survive. I try not to depend on anyone....because the reality is that people can let you down. I have had my heart broken enough to be cautious. I can't ever give too much of myself...for fear of having it thrown back in my face.

It's always most painful when someone you care about says hurtful things....and for someone like me, it's bad enough when someone you DON'T like says hurtful things. I am a sensitive soul. :-)

Lots more hereCollapse )
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real Alice

(no subject)

So I go to read my email, & there is another lovely letter from my sister waiting for me. After I told her not to contact me anymore. Here's what she said:

"Do me a favor, though and at least call Mommie Dot and thank her for sending you the money. She told me that she has not heard from you about it, not even to tell her you received it--how rude!

What are you going to do when that money runs out? What are you going to do when MD and dad refuse to send you any more money?"


What's funny is that last paragraph is an EXACT repeat of what she said in a previous email. EXACT. As if she copied & pasted it into a new email. She's a fucking broken record. How annoying. At least say something original.

When the money runs out, the money runs out. My dad has told me flat-out that he will not give me any more money. I would NEVER ask my grandmother for more money. So if I run out...I will deal with it. I always have. Every year of my life living out here on my own has been a struggling. But I always manage to make it somehow. And now won't be any different. If I have to prostitute myself, my bills will be paid. I have always taken care of myself in the end...cause I can't expect anyone else to.

And about how "rude" I am? Gimme a break. I emailed her back & said (regarding that comment), "Wow, you really are going for the 'Hypocrite of the Year' award, aren't you? I'll be sure to mail you your engraved statue soon." I mailed my grandmother a "thank you" card days ago, probably a week ago. If she hasn't gotten it, I have no control over that. I suspect I got it later than they think I should have, cause I found it one day in the "outgoing" section of my mailbox, & have no idea how long it had been there. But I am ALWAYS the one to thank people---profusely---for things. After Xmas, I send my grandmother a long thank you card...after any gift she gives me, anytime she helps me, I send a very thoughtful thank you card. I recently mailed my dad his check & sent it with a nice thank you card, as opposed to just sticking it in an envelope. I am the most thoughtful person in the family, always thanking everyone for everything. Heck, I even sent my family members (sister included, though I now wonder why) a Valentine's Day card, & have already bought them St. Paddy's day cards to send. My other grandmother even mentioned how I was the only person to remember her on VD. My sister doesn't have a thoughtful bone in her body....unless she's thinking of herself. How DARE she make such a comment???? If I could kick her ass through the internet, I would.

I was planning on calling my grandmother tomorrow, anyway (she likes me to call every 2 weeks)...and now I'll have to deal with this. If it comes up that Kathy & I are estranged...she'll want to know why (she can't) & she will get mad at ME...happens every time.

**Sigh** Sometimes I think I would be better off---mentally---without any family. I am sure others can commiserate.
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