March 8th, 2002

real Alice

(no subject)

God played some evil tricks on me.

Granted, since they are visual ones, other people might not think they are so "evil."

But they are to me. Take into account the career I am in....

Since I firmly believe God wants me to be an actress in film/TV, WHY didn't He make me thin? And maybe a bit taller? Why did He give me such a slow metabolism & a love of crappy foods (& strong distaste of healthy ones)?

I wanted to possibly perm my hair today....I am SO tired of bone-straight hair. But my hair just won't hold a curl. Last time I got a perm, it cost me $150 to have slightly curly hair for 2 weeks, tops. Obviously, not worth the money, & it damaged my hair, too. It's ironic that girls with naturally curly hair want straight, & those with naturally straight want curly. The grass is always greener....I'd practically kill to have ringlet curls. My hair looks so pretty when it's curled or taken down after being in braids for a day. This straight stuff is sooooo boring. Dangit. My hairdresser, Joe, talked me out of a perm today. He said it really wasn't worth it, & it would damage my hair, & my hair has already been dry recently. So I'm stuck with straight hair. We cut off 3 inches...which is HUGE for me. I haven't cut off more than one inch since 1991! It feels SO short to me. It still looks long to everyone else, but to's so short. I run my fingers through my hair, & I reach the end WAY before I am used to reaching the end. But it does look healthier. The ends were so damaged....which is odd, considering I very rarely blow dry, & don't use any styling products. Go figure. But considering how long my hair is, the part that is on the end has been there a LONG time. So then I discuss bangs with him. I have a high forehead & I think bangs would frame my face nicely. I was thinking about something light & wispy. Also, I am really getting seriously self-conscious about the wrinkles on my forehead. So I thought bangs would take care of hiding those. But I told Joe I have a cow-lick right in the center of my forehead. He said that bangs would be really bad...and when I had them before, they were. The left side of my bands went straight down, as they should. The right half curved to the left. But I thought maybe it was because I had heavy bangs...but he said light ones would be even worse, cause there'd be no weight to control them. Bummer. So I am stuck with these horrible wrinkles! Crap! Can't afford plastic surgery! And the wrinkles bug me SOOO bad. Every time I look in the mirror, I just cringe. Ick. So here I thought I might be leaving the salon with curly hair & bangs, & I leave looking almost exactly the same, minus a little bit of length.
**Sigh** Thank God for all the wigs I have. At least they give me the chance to look a little different occasionally.

I also got my eyebrows shaped. This really cool Korean guy named Hoon did them. He was such a perfectionist, he spent almost an hour on my brows! He did them conservatively at first...and this was almost begging to do more. He was really funny about it. Most people's eyebrows have natural curve to them....oh no, not mine...another of God's little jokes on me. Mine are almost horizontally across my eyes. He said there was no curve, & they were too long. So he shaped them to make it appear that they curved. They look pretty good...really different. It's amazing what just a change in your eyebrows can do. He would have gone hog-wild on my eyebrows the first time I ever had them shaped. I had a uni-brow, & my brows were like caterpillars. VERY bushy & thick. Now they look pretty good, I think. He only charged me $8 for all that work, & refused to let me tip him, instead thanking ME for my patience. He was really cool.

Then I went back to Best Buy AGAIN, so they could fix my alarm for what is HOPEFULLY the last time. They had to put the relay in...another $15. He turned the sensor back up a bit...and the good news is, I have been home 2 hours or so, & the alarm hasn't gone off once! Wooo-hooo! He also kinda fixed the E brake wire...but it still needs some more work. I am going to have the body shop look at it on Monday...I am not convinced this didn't happen in the wreck. Granted, I don't use the E brake much, but it seemed to work fine before the wreck...and everything took a good jostle...including me.

So I have that audition tomorrow. I asked them if I was auditioning for Alice, & he said, "Yes, that AND the position of toy demonstrator." Huh??? Like you'd have to audition for that? Is that their glorified way of saying, "Salesperson?" Nope. Won't do it. Hopefully, they are not wasting my time. We'll see.
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    "Just Shoot Me" on tape

(no subject)


Eric found my journal. He read quite a bit of it. He's probably reading it right now! Aren't ya, ya little stinker!

He also knows I read his about a week ago.

I made the mistake of commenting on one of his friend's journals, & he recognized my picture, & clicked on my journal...and basically read every entry that mentioned him...and some were NOT too flattering.

I discovered he had read my journal when he sent me an email that said, "Ouch. A putz & a young man with immaturity issues."


He was irritated that people he didn't even know where making judgements on him, when they didn't know his side of the story. I pointed out that I recently had pretty much stated his side...he didn't like me, he likes Shelly. That's pretty much the Reader's Digest version of his side. And I actually stated that he can't be blamed or called a jerk for not liking me. That's life. I can't make everyone like me. Lord knows. My ex who dumped me & broke my heart....he can't be blamed for that, either. He didn't love me. That's life. I think he was a bit hurt from the things he read...but I explained that I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to his face....I DO think he's immature...but he's 26. He even said, "Yeah, I'll be 17 til the day I die." Sometimes, even when you admit you have negatives, it hurts more when someone else notices! :-) It's like when people will bitch about their mother, & then you say something nasty about their mother, & they say, "DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MOMMA THAT WAY!" HUH?

Anyway....we had a GREAT talk. He kinda opened up to me about things for the first time. I didn't want to get off the phone, I was enjoying our talk so much. Yes...we are still JUST FRIENDS. But I really enjoyed talking to him. The lines of communication were open for pretty much the first time. He said the only thing against being more serious about me was the timing. I told him it was because of his feelings for Shelly...and he needs to be honest with her & tell her how he feels. It's quite likely she feels the same, but is scared to tell him. I told him it might be best if he goes for YOUNGER women, just as it's best that I go for OLDER men. I also told him he can talk to me about Shelly or any other subjects are off that I know where I stand, I am cool.

It was a great talk.

I think the Xantax is helping my belly a's kinda hurting me badly right now...possibly because I ate a little while ago. Sometimes I think I am feeling better...which is good cause that means we have found what is wrong with me. The other times, I think the medicine is not helping...which is bad, cause that means whatever is wrong with me is still a mystery. I just want to know what's wrong...and start fixing the problem!

I gotta go make brownies for Eric's parents....
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