December 16th, 2002

real Alice

(no subject)

Had so much fun last night.

Andrea, Alicia & I decided to go to the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express by Knott's, after work. As we were leaving Knott's, I saw Rebecca zoom off, crying. When we were driving (3 separate cars) to TB/PH, I called Rebecca, & asked her why she was crying. She wouldn't tell me, & basically told me it was none of my business. I said, "Of course it's not my business, but you are my friend & I care about you, that makes it my business. Wouldn't you want to know what was wrong with me if I was bawling, even though it's technically none of your business?" She refused to tell me what was going on, & just kept crying, & when I told her to come join us for dinner, the phone disconnected. I called her back, it answered, it disconnected. I called back, it answered, it disconnected. I don't know if she was hanging up on me, or my phone was acting funky (possible). But after 3 times of trying to call her back, I gave up. We all got to TB/PH, parked, & headed inside. There was a sign on the door that said, "Sorry for the inconvenience, but our lobby closes tonight at 6:30." It was 7:30. They were having a Xmas party inside. Alicia & Andrea were bummed, so I said, "Let's just go through the drive-thru & eat it in one person's car." Andrea mentioned eating it in the back of my truck, & Alicia sarcastically said, "Yeah, let's have a tailgating party." Andrea & I decided that was actually a great idea. So we drove through the drive-thru in Andrea's car. As we drove through, I tossed Alicia my phone to try calling Rebecca. She finally got her, & Rebecca was still bawling, & told Alicia the same thing...it was personal, & something she just had to deal with. Alicia told her, "Ok, well, just know that we are here for you if you need to talk. Drive safe, sweetie."
Rebecca: NO!
Alicia: No? No, you won't drive safe?
Rebecca: NO! I'm driving erratically!
Alicia: For the love of God, PLEASE drive safe, Rebecca.
Rebecca: NO! I'm going 60 in a 30...I'm erratic!

More fun here.Collapse )
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sad

(no subject)

Rain sucks. Well, heavy rain sucks.

Yeah, I realize we need it. But it still sucks. (To say nothing about how STUPID people drive in the rain here. You cannot drive 8o MPH on the California freeways in heavy rain, I don't care HOW tough your truck/SUV is...the freeways here are not equipped for heavy rain, & puddle up too much).

My job is outdoors. When it rains, my job gets canceled. Thanks to people who helped me out, I was JUST going to survive this month....and then the rain came. Work was canceled today, & it's supposed to rain all week, so work will be canceled all week. I will NOT survive now. I will NOT be able to pay the rest of my bills. I will NOT be able to buy stamps for all my Xmas cards (I can't even buy stamps for my bills, if I *could* pay them). I will NOT be able to buy the gifts I wanted to buy. No groceries. Maybe a loaf of bread. I can make pb&j sandwiches. Gas is going to be difficult. I cannot believe this.

There's nothing I can do, either. I was seriously counting on this last paycheck to get me through the month. But thanks to El Nino, no more. Fuck. I don't know what I will do.

One thing about me, I get serious pleasure from making others smile. I understand my friends & family don't expect presents from me. My dad expects nothing, Memama just wants jelly ($1 a jar, I can afford a few of those), Momme Dot only wants the Vanilla Musk perfume & lotion (already bought that), Kathy said I didn't need to get her anything, Dad wouldn't expect anything, & my friends told me they understand I am desperately broke & don't need a thing. But *I* feel guilty not buying gifts. This season is about *GIVING* for me. I love getting gifts, too, not gonna lie about that. But the true joy is in the giving to me...and I can't afford to give anything this year. This hurts me beyond words. I am getting teary just thinking about not being able to buy gifts. I managed to scrounge up enough to buy piddly nothing gifts for my girlfriends at work, & that's about it. And a lot that I am giving the girls are stuff I had at home (never used stuff, bought for one reason or another a while back), that I have decided to give up to give them something. I am giving Jen, Ashley, Mary, & Alicia stuff I already had. I got inexpensive stuff for Andrea, Rebecca, Amy, & Maranda. But I HATE that I have nothing for my sister. I am trying to hustle to finish knitting a scarf for my dad, but it's slow going, & I am not even sure he'll wear it.

*sigh*

I care not to buy gifts for myself....I care not if I get any...but to not be able to GIVE any? That's killing me inside. And how pathetic is it that I cannot even afford stamps for measly XMAS cards? Sheesh.

Looong post here. Don't proceed if you are easily bored or short on time or don't give a crap.Collapse )
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