February 13th, 2003

sad

(no subject)

I no longer think I'm getting sick.

It's 3:30AM, & I was awoken by a high fever. I am running about 102 degrees right now. My body is ROASTING from the inside out. I wanted to sleep until 5AM (my flight leaves at 7:40), but that just wasn't gonna happen. Yesterday, I woke up with a croupy cough, with phlegm that tastes worse than any phlegm I have ever coughed up. Kinda zinc-y. It sounds like I have tons of fluid in my chest. My lips & eyeballs are so hot, you can feel heat coming off of them if you hold your hand a few inches away. Every muscle in my body aches, especially my back. It hurts to swallow. This seems to be mostly in my chest, not so much in my nasal passages. I have such a high fever, my legs are shaky. I am miserable.

And I get to fly all day like this. I hope I don't pass out on the plane, & I feel all kinds of guilty taking something this nasty on the plane with me, a confined space. I am gonna take my cough syrup so I can take that if I start coughing badly.

I don't mean to down negative, but honestly....what IS the point of living if I am seriously sick about every month & a half? That's too often for anyone to be sick. I don't know how much more I can handle.

I don't even wanna know what my dad will say. It seems like I am always sick, & I am. The LAST time he saw me, I was really sick. And he bought me hiking boots to go hiking this weekend & everything. I pray I am better by Saturday. (Andrea had this, & said it only hurts for "a day." I sure hope she's right. *sigh*
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sad

(no subject)

Oh, goody. I am up to 103, & rising. I haven't had this high of a temperature in my memory bank. 99-100 is normal for me, when I am running a fever. 103? I think I am dying. At least, it FEELS like I am dying. It also feels like I am microwaving my eyeballs.

I look forward to gallavanting through the airports like this today. Carrying my heavy luggage alone, etc. And like I said, won't my dad be thrilled? Can he ever see me when I am NOT sick? Of course, those are very small windows of opportunity.

I have been getting lots of sleep, eating better, etc. Resting. So why doesn't my immune system improve?

I have to get ready in an hour. I really needed that sleep, but have you ever tried sleeping with your body boiling from the inside? It ain't easy.
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    sick sick