July 5th, 2003


(no subject)

I need to take a short break from the Great Ant Massacre of July 2003.

I slept in this morning, a luxury I RARELY get to take these days. I woke up around 10:30 this morning & went into the kitchen to feed the babies.

That's when I saw a trail of ants in my cupboard.

Little did I realize how bad it really was.

I have now spent 2 hours cleaning out the cupboard. I cannot even fathom how many ants I killed...some with Raid, some by hand. I was talking to them, telling them they WANTED me to kill them, they didn't want to have survivors guilt when all their little buddies were dead. "Don't be frightened, little ones, you are going to Ant Heaven." Yes, I am weird.

I cannot BELIEVE how much food I had to throw out. My kitchen floor is PILED high with food I have to throw out. They got into boxes of graham crackers, saltines, etc....the inner SEALED plastic packages were FULL of ants. DISGUSTING. I hate ants.

To make matters worse, while I am cleaning/murdering, I find them crawling all over me, trying to escape. EEP! Now I feel like I have them crawling all over me. Creepy.

There are so many ant carcasses everywhere. I am doing my best to clean it up. I just found two on my body. Nasty ass shit, man.

All that wasted food...which I can't afford to replace. Bastards.

But it DID reveal to me a piece of rotted floor in the cupboard....will definitely have to tell my landlord about THAT!

In "better" news....I am $250 in the negative in my account. It wasn't so bad before, it was "only" like $90 in the hole, but then my bank lovingly added about 5 $30 overdraft protection fees. At LEAST 5. Not good. I don't know what I am going to do. I am $250 in the hole, rent is due on Monday, & my electricity is about to get cut off, not to mention other utilities. *sigh*

And I work my buns off for what????

In honestly better news, my dad said he mailed me a check to get my truck fixed. It needs $1000 in repairs. He said he doesn't mess around with my safety, God bless him. I felt HORRIBLE to have to even ASK for money. What a loser daughter I am. I sent him an email titled, "Your loser daughter," & bless his heart, he replied & changed it to "Your lovely daughter." *heart swells*

I DO feel like a loser, though. Big time.

I am not dating Hugh anymore. I just came to the conclusion that he was not "the one," even though I never thought that to begin with. But I guess I decided at my age, it's foolish to stay with someone & potentially get more attached (& even worse, HE gets more attached) when you honestly don't feel that connection. Better to cut it loose early on, I think. He was pretty bummed, cause he was really digging me....although, *I* have no clue why....we are still friends, though. In fact, we are going to see "Matrix 2" next week, together. He really is a great guy....just not right for me, romantically.

My stomach has been MOST unhappy with me lately. I attribute it to stress.

I see the screening of my Kate Hudson movie Tuesday night. Garry says my scene is still in there as of now, but there's a good chance it will get cut. Damnit. WHY does he keep putting me in scenes that have the chance to get cut? And unlike "Princess Diaries," where you still see my everywhere even though my LINES were cut, this was the ONLY scene I did in this flick, so if this scene is cut, you don't see me at all. That sucks major ass. Garry keeps promising me he will find me a decent role in "Princess Diaries 2," since I lost all this weight...but I ain't holding my breath. People in Hollywood---even the good ones----are professionals at blowing smoke up your ass.

I'd better get back to cleaning up the disgusting kitchen. Fucking ants. I hate them. I can barely afford to feed myself, much less provide for them, too!!!!! *argh*

Might be back later....might not....who cares.....
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