July 22nd, 2003

real Alice

(no subject)

I'm sooooo confused.

Men.

I don't understand them. I wish I did. They frustrate the hell out of me.

There's one I am talking to online from Hot or Not that I am liking thus far (having not met him in person yet for the chemistry test), Cole. He's shorter than guys I usually date...not quite 5'8. The last guy I dated was 6'6. Big difference. He's a cutey, though, & really into comedy & improv. I LOVE a man who can make me laugh AND is smart. That's a great combo. He's younger than me, 26, which is a bummer, given my past experiences with younger men. But I am willing to remain open-minded. So far, our emails back & forth have been really entertaining. He looks SO much like Elijah Wood, it's scary.

Then there's Peter. I met him from Hot or Not, too. I met him for dinner a little less than a week ago, & things went really well (IMO). I liked him a LOT. I could see myself getting serious with him. He's very handsome, beautiful blue eyes, brown hair, dimples. He's a stunt guy, used to perform as a trapeze artist, is now a working screenwriter, & loves animals (a HUGE bonus for me). He's 42, an age I like a LOT! That's a great age for me. He doesn't look 42, though, he looks mid-'30s to me. We definitely had the physical chemistry I require, but we were also very compatible on the intellectual/personality front. I have heard from him several times since our date, & we plan to take a ride on his Italian bike next week, when he's done with the current draft he's working on (it's due by the end of the week). I love riding on motorcycles, & he has one of those cool microphone thingys so that you can talk to each other while riding the bike. Very cool. He's Italian, & speaks 3 languages fluently (English, Italian, French). Hot, hot, hot. But just feel I am getting some mixed signals. He definitely SEEMED really interested in me, it SEEMED mutual, but now I'm not so sure....I guess I will wait to see if I do actually get an invite for next week, & see how it goes then...play it by ear...which is not my strong point.

There's a couple of other guys on the horizon, too. None that are standing out as much as these two, so far.

And yesterday, I had a very interesting sexual experience. That's got me even MORE confused. *sigh* But I think I will have to put that under a filter, because I can't share that with just anyone. :-) And some probably couldn't handle it. *wink*

Yeah, yeah.....I love men....they just fuck with my mind, & I DON'T like THAT.

On the financial front....still broke, still behind, still depressed. Just trying not to think/worry about it too much, cause that's not doing me any good.

I don't ever sit here & talk about my problems thinking I'm the ONLY one having them. I realize TONS of people are hurting, financially, in this world. Don't ever read my journal & think that I am feeling sorry for only myself, that only *I* am having troubles. Please. That's pretty dumb to even assume I think that way. But ummmm...this IS my journal, so it IS my place to talk about MY frustrations & problems, NOT worry so much about others. I sympathize deeply with anyone going through a similar situation. But this IS my journal. Just wanted to clear that up. :-)

Peace.
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