July 28th, 2003

real Alice

(no subject)

I'm taking a brief moment while my cousin is in the shower to write.

I am soooo confused. When am I not? Sheesh.

I had a date with a GREAT guy Saturday night, Cole. I will write a longer description of him some other time (maybe), but suffice it to say that we had great chemistry, very similar senses of humor (scary, I know), etc.

We had a fantastic date. It lasted from 7:30PM til 5AM the next day.

He emailed me the next day, & asked if we could do something that day or Tuesday night. I called him yesterday to tell him I would be in his area today. He said he'd like to hook up with us.

He called today while Katie & I were at the beach, & said he'd meet us on the Promenade. We met him there, & just walked around there & to the Pier.

I was so confused. He was pretty affectionate Saturday night. Granted, we were sitting on my couch watching a movie & my cousin was in my room asleep, but still. And today, he wouldn't even hold my hand. He kept his hands either firmly in both pockets or his arms crossed in front of his chest. I even asked him at one point if he was in "protective mode" today. He said he was just chillin'. I held his hand briefly, & then he took it away, saying he didn't like to hold hands in big crowds because it's difficult to navigate through them when you are attached (it WAS crowded).

I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me & 2 of my friends tomorrow night, kinda like a double date, & he never did respond, no comment at all.

He didn't remotely try to kiss me...don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have wanted a deep tongue kiss in front of Katie, nor in public anyway, but brief, sweek kisses are good, & he seemed to not be able to get enough of my kissing Sat. night. Didn't even attempt to put his arm around me, & just seemed distant & protective the whole time. He still laughed easily with me....but it just felt weird.

When we left, I kinda tried to hug him, & he just sorta placed his hand on my back. No hug, no kiss, nada. Very strange.

Now, he is kinda old-fashioned, & when I told him to just sleep on the couch Sat. night since it was 5AM when he was leaving, he said no, because he didn't think it would be right to have my 19 year old cousin come out & see that he spent the night, particularly if she reports back to the family.
So, MAYBE he didn't want to be affectionate in front of Katie. Maybe he's not remotely affectionate in person. Some people are not hand-holders. I dunno.

But I am left feeling very, very confused. I liked him a lot, saw lots of great potential, & it SEEMED very mutual. Now, I just don't know.

I give up. I honestly don't know why I bother.
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