August 3rd, 2005

real Alice

(no subject)

It sucks to be me.

I went to Wal-Mart today to get some trip necessities. I happened to---thankfully---check my account balance before I went inside. I discovered I was overdrawn by $100. Niiiiiiiice. So not only do I need to pay $800 rent, $300 for utilities, at LEAST $300 for my car BEFORE I leave on Saturday, but I don't have money to get stuff I need NOR do I have ONE THIN DIME for the trip, itself...spending money. No, I don't plan to go & buy tons of stuff, but some spending money would be nice. Can you imagine taking a trip without any? This really sucks. I was sick a couple of days & had a couple of auditions, so I missed worked, & lost out on that pay. I don't know what I am gonna do. A couple of friends helped me as much as they can, but I still can't even cover the bills. I need about $500 more JUST to cover the bills before I leave, & then SOME spending money would be nice. I wonder how much I can get for selling my body? HA. Who'd spend money on me? Sheesh. I am soooooooo tired of this financial struggle....soooooo tired.

On a brighter note, I feel more positive about things with Mike. I called him yesterday when I got my phone back on, & we talked for quite a long time. He told me he'd buy me a motorcycle helmet, let me choose one I want. I can't imagine why he would spend money on a helmet (they aren't cheap) if he didn't plan on me riding on his bike quite a bit. He also agreed, after only asking once, to pick me up on the 14th at LAX. Anyone willing to drive to LAX to pick someone up, especially when it's quite a distance like it is for him, has GOTTA be interested. I have to start picking up on SIGNS of interest.....actions speak louder than words. If his actions indicate interest, I am going to have to trust that. Aaron was VERY verbal with his emotions & feelings....which would mean a lot if he hadn't been telling 2-3 girls the same things at the same time. But after girly-boy Aaron (I will admit to loving that verbal stuff....but in retrospect, it didn't mean squat), it's going to be hard to adjust to a macho man who doesn't express emotions & feelings...

*sigh* This money thing is beatin' me down. I try sooooo hard not to get depressed over it...but when bills are staring you in the face & your bank account is's hard to not get down....
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