Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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I gotta report about this freakin' concert I just came home for before I go to bed, while it's fresh (even though it's 1AM & I work early tomorrow/today).

This was the benefit concert with The Tubes & Velvet Chain (as heard on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer!").

First of all, my friend Daniel agreed to go with me. He told me to email him the directions. I did. I called around 7 to make sure he was going...his roommate said he wasn't home, & he has no cellphone. So I had no idea if he was still meeting me, & Marcus said the email had been down off & on that day (but Daniel has my phone number).

Yeah, he dogged me. DAYUM! Stood up TWO nights in a row! I am beginning to feel unloved! The shitty thing is that I called Rebecca to come join me, but she decided to go to the mall (even though I warned her I might be calling for this reason), & there's no way she would have made it by 8PM. Well, it turns out they started really late, so Rebecca would have had plenty of time to make it.

Velvet Chain was awesome. Adrienne (the lady who runs Golden State Theatre, who the benefit was for) gave me one of their CDs. The lead singer has an AMAZING voice! I was really impressed with them, & it didn't hurt that one of the guitarists was HOT, too. :-)

I was dismayed to see how few people came. I saw a lady I knew (her daughter was in "Alice" with me) during intermission (between bands) & she said they were probably going to take a loss....& this was supposed to be a fund raiser! The Tubes demanded $8,000 (& a long list of precise food!), Velvet Chain only $850. $8,000????? It seems to me that a band would work really cheaply for a benefit performance. I mean, come on, is there a demand for The Tubes these days? Sheesh.

The lights flickered, so I went back inside to see The Tubes.


I would be curious to know if anyone saw them during their heyday, to know if they were always like this. They were SOOO weird!

During the show, my jaw dropped several times (& I am hard to shock), I hid my eyes a few times....I was just stunned!!!!

They had a banner in the back that said, "Tubes Bros. Shows....Freak Show." Well, freak show it WAS.

They all came out in freak show type clothes...the bassist in a clown costume (complete with make-up)...keyboardist/guitarist as a swami....drummer as a clown (I think)...keyboardist as a trapeze artist...guitarist as an Indiana Jones type guy...& the lead singer as the master of ceremonies. The lady next to me was like, "This can't be them."

They sang a song...and then did their biggest hit, "She's a Beauty." Then they did an instrumental while the lead singer (I am gonna call him Steve, cause I don't know what his name is, & that's what I thought I heard) changed his costume. The band played a country song, in tribute to our "republican president." When Steve came back out, he was dressed as a cowboy, complete with fuzzy chaps, jeans, cowboy shirt, & a cowboy hat (still sporting the clown white face, though). He sang a bit...and then went into what *sounded* like an anti-Republican tirade to me, but I really was kinda clueless. He referred to Muslims as "towel heads," & was cussing a lot, & saying "those fuckin' towel heads are everywhere, let's kill 'em all!" It was this political tirade. Then he was talking about how, as Americans, we all had the right to bear arms....& then he pulled out a little started pistol. He says, "Don't ever point a gun at someone you don't really want to kill. Don't stick the gun in your ear, that's not a good idea. Don't stick the gun down your throat, that's not good, either. And definitely never point it at your heart." And when he does that, the gun goes off, & explodes a blood pack in his shirt, & blood squirts all over the stage & the speakers. Ewwww. He falls on the ground, "dead."

If that wasn't odd enough, he gets up, rips off his bloody shirt...and then proceeds to rip off his pants! Underneath, he's wearing black leather chaps with a black leather scrotum sack bikini THONG....yes, backless...and keeps showing us his ass. He remains topless...and adds a S&M mask, like an executioner mask. They lower the lights, & he sings the whole number with a flashlight, shining it on himself, the audience, the band members. VERY odd.

Next, he comes onstage in a dress, with bedroom slippers, an awful wig, & wearing pantyhose over his face, like a bank robber, & sings the song like that. After THAT song, he takes off the wig, puts on a pompadour wig & a labcoat. Rolls this thing on stage that looks like a dead body under a sheet. It turns out to be a blow up sex doll. In the middle of the song, he announces that she has "female problems" & he must operate. He pulls out a real chainsaw. Jumps into the audience & runs by the front row with the chainsaw near their faces, & jumps back on the stage. He then dives under the sheet with the chainsaw, & once again, blood flies everywhere. He pulls out this stuff that I guess was supposed to be intestines, it's all bloody, too. He then stuffs it all back inside....and lifts up his dress to start having sex with the doll. Both of them fall off the board, not sure that was supposed to happen.

Then he comes out in a relatively normal outfit of a black shirt & bright pink pants with zippers all over them, from the '80s, that were a few inches too short.

Then he comes out with a TV on his head (like a read tv hollowed out, with his head stuck through it) & cables wrapped around his neck. By the end of the song, he had ripped his clothes off piece by pice (like shredding his clothes), & tossing them into the audience. I don't care who someone is...I don't care how famous...how hot....I would NOT catch nor want someone's SWEATY disgusting clothes. Freaks. That's just nasty. People were begging for & clamoring for this shit. By the end, he was stripped down to his THONG jock strap.

The last outfit (unless I have skipped one in my sleepiness) was the craziest. He came out in SKIN TIGHT shiny silver spandex pants...a matching vest, no shirt...FOOT HIGH heels (a la KISS)...I'm not even kidding, these heels were at LEAST 12 inches high...I kept being afraid he was going to fall & seriously sprain his ankle. He had on a glamour rocker wig, mirror sunglasses that spelled out "QUAY," with a matching mirror guitar cut out to a "Q." But the craziest part? He had a fake penis in his skin tight pants, against his leg, so it looked like he was REALLY well hung. The funniest thing was that he kept playing with it, & eventually, it was halfway down his leg, not attached to his scrotum. Heh-heh. That was amusing. At one point, he DID fall on the heels & just face planted....but managed to JUMP back up on them.

They came back out for an encore & he was dressed normally, in a Tubes t-shirt & black jeans. They sang "Talk to You Later" for the encore, which was probably their second biggest hit (they had 3 big ones). They stayed & sang one more, saying, "This is the nicest fucking theatre we have played in for a long time, we are in no hurry to leave!"

There were some crazy people in the audience. Some major Tubes groupies. I didn't appreciate how many people showed up just in time for the Tubes. I don't think it's right to skip the opening band...they need support, too. I think that's wrong. Whatever. Then people were crawling over the chairs...and people, this is a NICE theatre, not a coliseum. Tacky! People were taking video & pictures...even though there were MANY big signs saying no cameras of any kind. That's disrespectful. There were also signs saying no food or drinks in the theatre, & people were swigging beer. Rude. A morbidly obese man sat right in front of me. He completely blocked my view. It wasn't his seat either. He moved over because he was practically sharing the seat with the guy next to him, since he was so large. So I moved over a seat, so I could see SOMETHING.

I met the lead singer afterwards. They came out to sign autographs & stuff. I was at the end of the line (waiting for Adrienne) & said, "I don't have anything for you to sign, just wanted to say thank you for the entertainment," & shook his hand. He seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't want anything from him, & thanked me very much.

I was looking at this big board set up about the Golden State Theatre. There was a big picture of me on it as Alice. Some girl comes over & points to a picture of herself, & says to her beau, "That's me!" So I point to me & say, "That's me!" We all laughed. The guy who played my King of Hearts was there. TC, who was my Queen of Hearts, was SUPPOSED to be there, dancing with The Tubes. I guess 24 hours before the show they canceled the dancer. Bums.

It was a very interesting night, that's for sure....

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