Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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I've been suffering a really bad headache all day. Well, since around noon, maybe. I think it's a hunger headache, cause I didn't have a bite to eat today until 7:30PM or so. I just really wasn't hungry...well, apparently my head was hungry, but my belly wasn't. Maybe it was a low blood sugar thing....I dunno. I kinda resent having to eat when I am not really hungry. Oh well. I got a Sonora Chicken Burrito at Del Taco. DAMN good!!!! The headache is lessening a bit now.

Went to Hollywood for my day off. Well, I couldn't sleep past 9, even though I went to bed kinda late. I can't stop having weird dreams & restless sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me....but then, I hear just about everyone is having this same problem lately. Maybe it's those of us who are a bit more...sensitive, empathic....the world is in turmoil, & I think I am feeling it more than some. Lucky me. Anyway, I got my makeup done at MAC again (I always do that in Hollywood). Yume put the new colors on me. My eyes look SOOO pretty! I love it! They are great colors for me. Yay! Fun summer colors, too...greens, aquas, pinks.

I love to walk around in Hollywood. It is just really cool to me. I find it interesting, cause I remember Erin saying how scared she would be to walk around Hollywood alone, how she wouldn't even do it. Hollywood doesn't scare me at all. I guess I kinda feel at home amongst the freaks & weirdos. Everyone pretty much leaves me alone, for the most part. I mean, I got a LOT of attention for my "torpedo" bra today, but that's not too unusual for me any given day. (I got a new bra at KMart for $7 that gives me great support & shape, but makes my boobs look a bit "torpedo-ish!") I did have a man chase after me to tell me he was a talent scout for a Hollywood agency, & he took a Polaroid of me & took my cell number. He was like, "Have you ever done any acting?" HA! I watched him for a while....he didn't stop anyone else while I watched him. He said he was really selective, & he certainly seemed to be. I guess I'm flattered, cause I was just wearing a casual t-shirt, baggy jeans, & my Sketchers. My hair was dirty & pulled into a mess ponytail, & I was wearing a bulky jacket. It could be a swindle, but ya know....all he has is my cell number. Big deal. And it COULD be legit. He certainly seemed legit, & Polaroid film ain't cheap. That is the second time in two Hollywood visits that someone has recommended me for an agent. Honestly, I think the difference is my confidence, my new attitude, & maybe my new, sassier hair. Who knows? It was amusing, cause Yume noticed my bullet bra, & I told her to feel it....so there she is, groping me in MAC....hahahaha.

Speaking of my hair, I am going to cut more off before my trip. Probably just another 2-3 inches or so. I want it long enough to still be able to put it in a ponytail, cause it's really cute & comfy that way. I was considering more layers, but I think that would be a mistake. I just don't know. And if it IS a mistake, layers take FOREVER to grow out, it's just a pain in the ass. I really think I look better with the bangs, though, I am glad I did that. Today, I pulled most of them back & just had "wispy" bangs...it was pretty cute.

"Matrix" is on FOX right now. Wheeeeee! I LOVE this movie. It's kinda weird for me to see the "Tank" character, since I went out with him. I don't know if/when I will see Marcus again, cause he's going out of town to film a movie soon. I wish he had gotten to do the 2 sequels. I cannot WAIT to see "Matrix: Reloaded!!!!" I have TOTAL respect for the actors of that movie. They trained ALL DAY for 8 MONTHS!!!! That's crazy! They are probably in the best shape of their lives, AND they got to work with trainers FREE, but they said they were covered in welts & bruises, & sore every night. Carrie-Anne Moss broke her leg. Anyone who thinks acting is ALWAYS easy needs to have their head examined. I am not saying any actor deserves $20 million per film (especially when it's something physically easier, like a comedy), but it AIN'T easy work (heck, they usually work 16+ hour days!). It's not saving lives, but where would most of us be without entertainment? Laurence Fishburne looks SO different outside of the Matrix...much less cool, a bit more nerdy.

My new motto is, "I am shy, subtle, & sensitive." Go ahead, laugh...everyone does when I make that statement.

*sigh* Already 8:15PM & I still have several loads of laundry to do, REALLY need to straighten my living room, & put the clean sheets on my bed, etc. So little time on my one day off. I HAVE to have some time to make a post on LJ!

I have the most awesome friends in the world. A few of you are ULTRA generous. I know some people think I am a mooch, but it's just not true. I am just having a hard time of it right now. Trust me, when I make it big & have lots of money, I will SO pay forward the generousity showered upon me. Anyone who knows me knows that's the truth. I cannot WAIT to help others. I love doing that. I cannot wait to open animal rescue homes. I cannot wait to donate money & time to charities I care about. I cannot wait to help friends who always stood by my side, & need help. I cannot wait for that. Truly. I had a friend send me a cute, pink, baby doll Live Journal t-shirt. Sweeeet! I need some cute new clothes since I have lost weight, & I LOVE baby-tees. I also had a smartass friend buy me some boots that give me SEVEN extra inches! Crazy!!!! It's very strange being 5'6 or 5'7!!!!! I put them on, & it was the weirdest perspective. It will be cool to wear them occasionally & feel what it's like to be "tall." These are black platform boots, similar to KISS boots (NOT stilettos....I'd kill myself on those!). Another friend had some of those J.Lo high heeled Timberland-like boots...and hated them (she's not good at walking in heels, & these are really pointy). Since we wear the same size, & I have given her shoes of mine in the past, she gave me these. Very cool. Another friend gave me a pair of her old size 7 jeans, since that's what size I need now (was wearing 11s, 9/10s, etc.). I didn't have any jeans that fit really well, they were all baggy. It's funny, though. I put them on & we all confirmed it....I have seriously lost my ass. I had the cutest little bubble butt, I called it my "ghetto booty." I really liked it. It had a nice shape. I can think of many places I would have rather have lost it (although I did lose weight other places....I went from a DDD cup to a D cup!). I am saddened over the lost of my formerly cute tushie. :-( I am so unconcerned with wearing "used" stuff. Heck, I love to shop at the Salvation Army store! Beggars can't be choosers. I will take almost anything for free, & if they aren't going to be wearing them anymore....bring 'em on! Another ANGEL lent me money from rent....I am getting most of the money on Monday to pay her back, but wasn't getting that money in time to pay rent, so this ANGEL saved my ass (AGAIN & AGAIN she does that). I seriously would not have survived without my friends through this hard time. Some of you might consider me bad for taking help....but I consider myself truly blessed.

I have been feeling a little....off...today. Woke up feeling groggy. Had that bad headache all day. On the way home from Hollywood, my legs started to feel really achy & weak, & I got light-headed. Now, I feel a little feverish & drained. Odd. I PRAY I am not getting sick.

These next few weeks are going to be SOOOO exhausting. Tomorrow I work until 6PM, & then have to run a few errands. Sunday I work until 6, & then I'm having dinner with crankyangel. I then work Monday through Friday. Friday night, I am going to try to make it to the Boulevard for karaoke with the old crowd. I haven't seen everyone in so long, it'd be great to see them. I wouldn't be able to stay too late, but I am sure it would be a blast, as always. I don't have another day off until next Saturday (a week from tomorrow), & I don't really have it off. I have to drive all the way down to Fashion Island (FAR from me) for Erin's wedding shower. I don't really have the money for a gift, either. What a shitty friend. Luckily, I gave them their wedding present a long time ago (a TV & VCR for their bedroom), AND I volunteered to be the guest book attendant for the wedding. I will actually be taking IZONE sticky film pics of everyone when they sign the guest book. Anyway, with driving time to the shower & back, I will be gone most of the day. And then I work every day straight until I leave for the South. Monday, after work, I have to drive to Costa Mesa to have my hair cut at the Paul Mitchell School. It only costs about $8 for a student to cut my hair, & about $12 more to have a weave on top (blonde highlights weaved in). That's so cheap. And I like the student who does my hair, Michelle. She has a true passion for hair, is my age, & is abundantly friendly & full of energy. She does a good job, too. I want my hair to look good for my trip, since my family hasn't seen my new 'do yet (other than in pictures). Thursday after work, Erin & I are going shopping at Wet Seal with the gift certificate we won at the GLAAD Awards. We get to spend $75 each. Wheeeeee! They DID have a cute baby tee that said, "Kiss me, I don't smoke." I hope they still have it. After the mall, Alicia, Jake, Daniel, Holly & I are doing a full moon ritual, complete with tarot readings. Yes, witchcraft. Get over it. No, I'm not a witch (although I HAVE been called one from time to time!), but Daniel & Holly are witches. The last ritual I went to with them was really cool. I think it will be great fun, even just cause it's a fun group of people. I invited my supervisor, & he said, "OK, you are starting to scare me. Cutting & dying your hair, got a tattoo, & now you are practicing witchcraft." I am only dabbling. Alicia is very Christian, too, but she's going more for the psychic end of it (she's psychic)...she's not into the Wiccan side of it. She can read palms & interpret dreams & stuff. She says I am psychic & have the ability to see/communicate with spirits, but I have a block. I don't WANT the gift. I am scared of it. I DID hear my mom say my name the other night. That was trippy. Anyway, back to my busy few weeks. When I get to Alabama, Momme Dot said she'd buy me one new outfit & one new bra. I don't think I will need the bra now, I love my $7 one!!! :-) I leave the 21st....thank God I have some vacation time coming. I won't miss too much work. Regardless, I am VERY glad I am going, since MeMama has taken ill. Who knows if it's the last time I will see her? Macabre thought, I know, but reality is reality. She's 83, & her heart is not healthy. She had a major bypass in '85, & a neck artery procedure 3 years ago (whatever you call that). They ran tests yesterday, & discovered that 2 arteries to her heart are still clear, but one is almost completely clogged. They cannot put stints in, nor is it feasible to operate. At her age, it would take her 9 months to a year to recover from such a major surgery.
They don't think it would be wise. And who'd take care of her? She takes care of PaPa, there is no one to take care of her, & no one to care for HIM if she's ill, too. So...they are doing nothing, & she will have to live with chest pain, shortness of breath, & weakness...and a good chance for another heart attack. I positively ADORE this grandmother...she's the sweetest thing on Earth. I would be devasted to lose her, & once told her I FORBID her to die....EVER! So needless to say, this trip is well timed, & I'm glad I was able to take it, missing money or not. As I have gotten older, I value my family more (while still kinda appreciating being across the country at the same time...if that makes sense).

Crap. I meant to pick up some Tylenol PM today to try tonight. I was hoping it would help me sleep better. I desperately need to get some GOOD, sound sleep. It's truly catching up with me.

That high school hazing....that's LAME shit. REALLY lame. I was minorly hazed when I was being rushed into a high school sorority (LAME). They poored disgusting stuff all over us....a mixture of spit, piss, ketchup, cig butts, ashes, syrup, etc. It took MANY showers to get the smell off me. I also had to humiliate myself a few times. I had to chase after a popular boy who acted like I was a leper, & then we had an overnighter. We all had to lay on the floor like dead bugs (on our backs with our hands & legs in the air like a dead cockroach), & then I was emotionally tormented in a private room while blindfolded...until I was bawling. Ugh. Hazing....stupid, lame, awful. It's gotta stop. There's nothing amusing or cool about it.

I am hoping I get to see chappell while I am in Alabama. I doubt Kathy will stop in Montgomery (our time is very limited). I am hoping that he can come to Greenville for dinner & bring Toby, especially cause MeMama really wants to see him again & she's pretty weak now. I hope he comes. I miss my bruther & my former "dog expense." :-) I am sure PaPa would love to see Toby, too. Chappell is helping Meredith move that weekend, so I know things will be hectic for them, but I am really hoping to see my homegirl, Meredith, too. I love that chicky. She's soooo cool.

When I talked to Momme Dot last, I was irritated when she said, "I hear that you & Kathy called Bobby about busting the trust early," making it seem like, once again, Alice is greedy for money. Yeah, who'd deny that I need money, & would LOVE to buy a house & stop pissing rent money down the drain? Duh!!!! But this was SOOO not my idea this time. My great aunt, Helen, who's in charge of the trust, said SHE was considering busting it early...and passed that info along to my cousin (her son), Tommy. Tommy contacted me via email, which I forwarded to Kathy, & KATHY called Tommy & then Bobby. I actually had nothing to do with it for once. Sheesh.

Arggggghhhhh....I REALLY need to go out for that Tylenol PM, but I don't feel like getting out again. *sigh*

We all went out to Joe's Crab Shack last night. I love that place. I LOVE the Bananas Foster. It's positively orgasmic. I can't think of many things that taste better. It's evil good. Everyone who worked yesterday went....Rebecca, Alicia, Maranda, Erin, & even our tech for the day, Hugh. We had fun.

Speaking of Hugh....sorry, I am distracted, Marcus' big scene in "Matrix" is on....anyway...Erin is trying her best to hook me up with Hugh. Hugh IS a cutie pie...but I have concerns. While he's adorable, his teeth are really jacked up, & unfortunately, that's something I notice. Teeth are a big issue for me. Call me superficial, whatever. I could probably get past that, though, cause teeth can always be fixed. The bigger issues are his age (23), & the fact that we work together. It's not even like he just works at the same company or in the same department, but he actually works in my group a day or two a week (maybe more come summer). If things went bad, how uncomfortable would THAT be? Ick. We get along really well, & he's very funny, clever, & smart. I am undecided.

The bottom line is, I simply don't have time to date. I wish it were merely an excuse, but when would I date? I work 6 days a week, & my one day off, I don't even have time to rest & recuperate. By the time I get home from work, I am exhausted, & usually asleep by 10-11PM. WHEN would I date????

And then there's a lack of interest in dating, I guess. I went out with Geert, but we were not compatible (one example...."I don't do drugs...except the hard stuff occasionally. E, acid, shrooms....but only for spiritual reasons, not recreationally.") The other straight guy that I met at the GLAAD Awards, he is apparently interested, too. Maybe, maybe not. I gave him my card at the event, cause we seemed to have a like mind in the industry. He's a writer, & wants to write movies that have an absence of violence, drinking, drugs, etc. I am an actor who wants to act in projects without that crap. So I told him we were on the same page, & if he ever needed me, I was so there. He was handsome, too, but he wants kids (doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, though). Well, he called me the other day. I have yet to return his call, but my curiousity is piqued. Then there is the guy from the old '80s band, Was Not Was (remember the song, "Walk the Dinosaur?" It went "Boom-boom-shaka-lacka-lacka-boom,"etc.). He wants to meet me for "tea." I can't remember what he looks like, though. Anyone know of a link to a site of theirs, or anywhere I can see a pic?

I continue to get options every day from Hot or Not. I just don't have the time nor energy. And sheesh, WHO is rating me a one???? Geez. If I am a one, I wonder what a 10 looks like???? I don't think I'm the shit or anything, but I wouldn't rate myself lower than a 7. Granted, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but a one??? Come on.

I want a backyard swing sooooo bad. You can get them for around $100 these days. I have ALWAYS loved porch swings, I guess that comes from being raised in the South. I have always loved swings. I want to sit in my backyard with my kitties on leashes (so they don't run away) next to me on the swing, & just swing my stress away. I LOVE those swings. I need to figure out a way to get the money for one. I need some peaceful moments, & I have wanted one of those swings ever since I moved in here. I also desperately need to get my jacuzzi fixed. What a waste to have one, & not be able to use it. At this point, it needs to be drained & cleaned, too, but my old friend, Ryan, said he'd help me do that. It's only the heater that's broken...the bubbles work. I have no idea how much it would cost to fix it, but that would help greatly with my stress, too. And it's so nice to have girlfriends over & just sit & soak in there. *sigh*

I am mostly caught up on my bills. Still behind on the storage units & cable, but mostly caught up everywhere else. With about $600, I would be pretty much completely caught up. That beats the $1900 I WAS behind. Now if I could only make $600 appear ($700 so I can get the swing, too!). *poof*

I tripped & fell today & am probably going to have a hell of a bruise tomorrow. I was going through my closet, rearranging things, getting rid of some stuff, etc. I stepped over a pile of stuff, & stepped on a power cord, which hurt tremendously (I was barefooted), so I lurched forward, & fell against my desk. Ouch. Yeah, that hurt, AND I felt like a dufus.

Hmmmmm.....I JUST might be out of updates.....until my next post. Off to the store am I, & then a venting post about some of my friends when I return (even when you adore your friends, you need to rant about them occasionally).

And then I STILL need to find time to work on the blanket for my grandmother!!! It's for Mother's Day, but it will be a late gift, obviously, since I will see her Memorial weekend....and now I am thinking I need to make one for MeMama, too. When am I going to have time to finish two blankets before I leave? I am doing the granny square now (crocheting), so it's a lot faster, but still.

I need another one of me....but the world can barely handle ONE of me.

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    Still no clue what I'm going to do. No clue at all.

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