Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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This has just been the oddest experience.

My friend Andy came over last night to bring me my benefits books from work. It's time for open enrollment at Knott's for benefits, & while I finally qualified, I "fell through the cracks." Open enrollment ended the 4th...they gave me til today....& then I went & had that seizure. I left all the enrollment packages stuff at work. So Andy brought them over last night. And they are just going to have to extend my date til Monday!

So I had heard Alicia's story about what happened, so I asked Andy for hers last night. They all think I had a "grand mall" (I don't know how it's spelled) seizure, because apparently, I was foaming at the mouth. Lovely.

I also talked to Maranda last night & got HER version.

I go out the curtain first. Then Linus, the Charlie (I think), then Lucy. Andy was in Linus, Alicia in Charlie, Maranda in Lucy. Andy said I went out the curtain at the exact right time, & then instead of going stage left like I am supposed to, I went all the way over to the stage right stairs. Apparently, I had my back to the audience, facing the wall. They told me that Adrianna, the usher standing at the bottom of the stairs, reached out for me, but I slipped one leg through the railing & fell to the ground. Luckily, a Xmas tree onstage hid me from most of the audience, with the exception of the stage right audience, obviously. I guess I laid there for a few seconds & my arms atrophied (sp?) into a "doggy paddling" position. Then my eyes rolled into the back of my head & I started twitching. The two firemen ran up, announced they were firemen, & turned me onto my side. Andy said at some point that I was being turned onto my side, I struck my head AGAIN against the stage. So that strike accounts for the bruise on the back of my head, & my leg going through the railing accounts for the scrape & severe bruise on my right thigh (almost looks like a rug burn). Maranda said I was swarmed by people in a matter of seconds, so most of the audience never really knew what was going on. Louis, our main tech, was training Marcus, so they were both there. They ran to my side. Maranda knelt at my side IN the Lucy costume. Alicia ran back to try to get out of the Charlie Brown costume, which is next to impossible. Like I said, April had announced it over the radio, so anyone on Blue Channel heard it, which is basically the entire Entertainment Department. I THINK Jack Falfas was there...he's the man who runs the entire park, & we're friendly. In fact, I had JUST spoken to him 20 minutes before. All the "suits" came over, Charles (manager of my dept.), Julie (my area manager), no telling who else from the office....the girls cannot remember who they saw, cause they were only thinking of me. Alicia had said there was a sea of blue shirts, since our techs wear blue shirts & all came running. Maranda was frustrated because she knows CPR but couldn't get out of Lucy. Louis knows it, too, I think, but the firemen took over. Maranda said they explained they were firemen, immediately rolled me over (that is when all the blood spilled out of my mouth from biting my tongue...I guess I stuck my tongue out & then bit it), & cleared the area. They made the girls leave, & anyone who didn't need to be there. I guess Brett came over, the EMT, my buddy, & Ramona, my buddy who is the head nurse & whom I had been talking to just 25 minutes before, but by the time they got over there from First Aid (it's quite a ways) the firemen had everything under control. I talked to Julie again last night (I was worried about the benefits stuff), & she said I gave them all a huge scare, that they thought I was paralyzed at first, because I just wasn't moving. Eventually, my eyes opened, & I started moving them & shaking my head to their questions. Ramona & Brett brought oxygen over, & I guess that is what cleared my head, but according to Maranda & Andy, I apparently didn't want it on me. She'd put it on my face, & I'd push it away. She held my hand down & put it back on, so I moved it away with my other hand. She grabbed that hand, & I tried to move her hand away with the hand she just freed. Good to know that even in such a state I am still as stubborn as Hell. She said, "No, sweetie, you have to keep it on, you need the oxygen." I don't know if Brett did anything to help me or not, I think things were pretty under control by then. I guess it only took the ambulance about 10 minutes to get there, cause the hospital is just down the street from Knott's. They opened this huge back gate that is never used, behind our theatre, where the zoo used to be, parked the ambulance there. I do not remember the paramedics getting there. I don't remember being placed on the board, or put on the cervical collar (not sure why they needed to do that). I do remember me being asked what the date was, & not knowing. I do remember being asked the day of the week, & then the year...and not knowing. I couldn't speak, either. Next thing I know, they were carrying me out on the board (I guess it's a good thing I am only 115 pounds), through that gate, & into the ambulance. I remember seeing Brett & Ramona looking down at me, very concerned, before they took me away. I don't remember seeing anyone else. I heard my friend Jake, a tech, came over. I mean, I guess there were tons of techs there, I just have no idea who. Some of my security friends came over. According to Andy, both Jason & I THINK Nathan (she wasn't really sure about Nathan) tried to ride in the ambulance with me, but their boss told them they had to stay at Knott's. That's sweet. I guess I never realized how many people cared about me until now. It's nice to know...not a good way to find out, but nice to know. The girls had gone backstage to pray, & Andy said that's when she got emotional. I guess Maranda was pretty much bawling the whole time, & Alicia was in & out. Julie came back & asked them if they would be able to do a meet & greet, & I think they kinda looked at her like she was nuts. She said, "Never mind, you guys are done for the day, go home," & gave them full pay. They would have all been useless in the show. But there wasn't anyone to take my place, anyway. Maranda said that yesterday, every time the show started, she went onstage looking at the stairway, since that's where it happened. She freaked out every show. Andy had said, since she was right behind me, that she couldn't figure out why I walked over to the stairs...and then went I let out that blood-curdling, air escaping scream, they all knew something was going on, & indicated to the techs to stop the show. I am lucky as hell that those firemen just happened to be in the audience. I wish someone had gotten their names so that I could thank them.

So I guess I was in & out of consciousness, & I remember coming to a bit in the ambulance. I have been in too many ambulances during my life. I think I remember there being a male paramedic on my right, taping me down to the board, & a female paramedic on my left taking notes. The lights & sirens were going. I don't know what the rush was at that point, the seizure had stopped. I remember the male paramedic telling me I was going to feel a prick in my arm, cause he was putting the IV in. Not sure why I needed fluids, but whatever. I barely remember any pain, I was so out of it. I THINK I might have said a couple of funny things, cause I seem to remember them laughing. My way to get through pain has always been to crack jokes...but I have no clue what I said. The ambulance ride wasn't long, but I don't remember being taken into the ER. The next thing I remember is seeing that the nurse who was helping me was the EMT who helped me when I hit my head at Knott's. He felt awful for not taking it more seriously...but who knew? I do remember at some point they took me out of the cervical collar---thank the Lord---& Eric (that nurse/EMT) & another nurse rolled me off the board. It's funny, cause I remember saying something to the girl nurse, & I remember what I said, & yet I don't remember talking. She came to draw some blood, & I made a face, since I don't like needles. I think I said, "I don't like needles....of course, I don't know anyone who does, but I really don't." And then I said, "I will tell you what I tell everyone else...you hurt me, I hurt you." I remember us both laughing, but it didn't seem that *I* had talked. I remember Eric asked me if I felt ok, & I said my tongue hurt. He told me to stick it out, & he said, "Yeah, you bit it pretty good. It looks like you almost bit it clear off in one spot." My lower teeth hurt, too. Sure enough, there are tooth marks from three lower teech embeded on the underside of my tongue. Gross. Today, my tongue is still very swollen, very numb, & bloody. I have track marks in both arms. I have a burst & bruised blood vessel in my left wrist, & the bruise on my thigh is awful & huge. Every muscle in my body is sore, I guess from tensing up with seizing. I feel like I had a major workout yesterday.

Anyway....back to the scattered memories....I remember a very pretty foreign nurse taking me for a CAT scan...I guess she was an X-ray tech, not a nurse. I remember that I complimented her on her pretty scrub shirt, but again, I don't remember anything coming out of my mouth. I remember her rolling me over to the CAT scan thing, & I vaguely remember it. I think I fell asleep again during it. I remember she rolled me back to my spot in the ER. No telling HOW long it took the doctor to come see me, but I remember him telling me the CAT scan results were normal. I would assume my blood work was normal, too, since I don't remember hearing anything about it. I remember them asking for a urine sample, but I don't think I ever gave them one. Then Eric came in & said someone was here to see me, & Alicia came around the corner. Boy, was she a sight for sore eyes. I asked her & Eric if they happened to have a mint, cause I could taste blood in my mouth. Alicia fishes out a piece of gum, & I remember I said, "How in the world am I supposed to chew that with my tongue like this?" I got my "in case of emergency call:" list out of my wallet (& remember my drivers' license was missing), put astericks by the numbers for Alicia to call, & sent her outside with my cell to call my dad & sister, since you can't use a cellphone in a hospital. While she was gone, I think I fished through my backpack (which she had brought with her) for something, & found some smarties to suck on. Some time passed & she came back in, & said she had gotten a hold of my sister, who called my dad on 3way. I am sure my dad tried to cover his emotions, since he's a macho guy, & Alicia said my sister was calm, at least til she hung up. I remember another nurse from Knott's, Emma, putting some anti-seizure medication into my IV, huge syringes of it. Then I mentioned needing to go to the bathroom, so Eric took me in the wheelchair. He offered to come in with me & help, but I knew I would have to see him at Knott's, so I went in alone, but I remember that not being terribly wise. I couldn't stand up or walk on my own. I think I remember falling into the wall, into the handicap railing, etc., & Eric asking if I was ok. I don't remember actualy peeing, & I probably didn't wash my hands. *smile* Eric eventually wheeled me out to Alicia's car. They were discharging me with an anti-seizure medication to get filled...and told me to see a neurologist, since they have no clue what caused the seizure (I am hearing that Prozac CAN cause seizures). Eric had to lift me into her car....I mean, I could not stand, walk, or even lift my head without feeling like I was going to pass out. I don't know if they gave me some pain stuff, or if that anti-seizure stuff was just REALLY strong. I started itching severely when it first got into my blood, so we think I might have been allergic to it. I vaguely remember Alicia telling me she needed to go to her voice lesson & then by her house, would I mind? I told her to do whatever she needed to do. She called her voice teacher, & was only going to get 15 minutes of the lesson. I remember her parking at her teacher's house, & me staying in the car. I am sure I faded in & out of consciousness. I remember her getting back in the car, & us heading to her house. I remember Alicia going inside, & her mom coming out to talk to me. I really don't remember anything that was said, though. Alicia was picking up the car that her step-dad was giving her, so her mom lifted me out of the Beretta & carried me to the Camaro & put me in there. I remember calling & telling Adam (a tech at work, I adore him) what happened, & I remember calling Erin & telling her, but I don't remember a thing that was said, out of my mouth or theirs. I called Momme Dot, & told her to sit down, & broke the news. I don't remember what she said, & I debated telling her at all, but I didn't want her to hear second hand from Kathy, etc. I think I called Chad & left a message, but I don't remember. I remember calling Chappell, but I don't remember a thing I said, nor his reaction. I know I called Jared (a guy I met online whom I have never met in person yet), & I think we talked for a while, but again, I do not remember the conversation. I remember trying to convince him to come over, because I wanted him to meet Andy & Alicia, & they were both going to be at my house. Jared JUST moved here in November & doesn't know many people, & is very religious, & so are Andy & Alicia. I think he asked me if I wanted him to bring me a milkshake or something. I think we eventually decided it was best he didn't come over, cause for one thing, it was late already. I called Jonathan & left him a message, he called me back, & I told him. He ended up coming over, too, & brought me a goody bag of candy. Dre came over, too. So I had Jonathan, Alicia, Dre, & Andy hanging out with me, but I am sure I wasn't good company. Andy was doing her laundry. I remember Alicia helping me out of my JT costume (I was still wearing it, although they took the top part off & put on a hospital gown in the ER). In the ER, they had mentioned they WERE going to cut off my costume, cause the turtleneck was really tight. I said, "I'm glad you didn't cause wardrobe custom made this for me, & would not have been happy." I had Alicia walk me over to my laundry basked of clean clothes, & we found some sweats & a t-shirt for me to put on. She started undressing me in the living room, & we told Jonathan to look away. He said, "I have seen you naked before." And I said, "And you will never see me naked again." He said, "Ouch. That's harsh." I said, "That was your choice." LOL. I remember sitting on the floor, & them offering me a spot on the couch, & I said I was fine on the floor. Eventually, I decided to go to bed, & Alicia walked me to my bed. Jonathan had already left, but the girls were all still there. Andy was going to go home, but Alicia & Dre were staying. I woke up around 5 the next morning, listened to my voice mails, read my text messages, called my dad (I still hadn't talked to him personally), & then fell back to sleep until 11. Dre was the only one still here, & Alicia had left her a note to take me to the drug store & get my script filled.

Andy came over again last night to bring me my benefits stuff, & hang out a while. Everyone has been so good to me. It's rather fascinating to hear everyone's version of the story, especially since I don't remember most of it. I remember little bits & pieces, but that's it. Tim covered my shift today so that I could have another day off...good thing, since I am STILL light-headed. I talked to Tim yesterday, & he just couldn't believe it. He had been in Vegas, & I don't think he knew until he got to work yesterday or Julie called him at home. He was just in shock. Julie called me twice yesterday, to check on me. One of my security friends emailed me to see how I was doing. Andy said that both Marcus & Maranda went out & got drunk the night it happened, & barely slept at all, haunted by the whole experience. I feel terrible about that. I spoke with a lady in the office yesterday, & she said a fan called to see how I was. Some lady in the audience had an annual pass, & wanted to call to see how I was doing. I guess she was at that show. That's pretty sweet. Oh, I think I remember Roger, a security dude, standing over me, too. I think I remember seeing Ramona, Brett, & Roger...everyone else is a blur. I think all the techs & suits were out in the audience watching.

This whole experience is VERY bizarre. I remember, in the ER, not believing that it was really happening. I thought I was dreaming. Eric had to pinch me...but even then, it still felt surreal.

It STILL feels surreal. I still can't believe any of this happened. I am dumbfounded to listen to people tell me the story. But all I have to do is look at or feel my tongue, & look at that giant bruise on my thigh to know it really DID happen. I have no feeling at the tip of my tongue...nothing but tingling. I can't even really eat soup or a milkshake, cause anything that makes me purse my tongue (you hold a straw with your tongue) hurts. All I ate yesterday was a bunch of oatmeal, & I had to stick the spoon past the cut mark on my tongue & dump the oatmeal onto my tongue, & swallow it down. I can't really chew anything. I reckon I will lose some weight in the next few days.

I am sure I will think of more later, as my mental facilities come back. And tomorrow, work should be fun. I told Tim I would try to do the shows, but obviously cannot predict how I will feel. I know everyone is going to be worried to death to watch me. I know I am going to be stared at as "the seizure girl," & I hate being stared at. I understand it, but I hate it. I know 50 million people are going to ask me if I am ok. Andy said I should make a flyer, & pass it out to everyone who asks. That would be pretty funny.

My sister started kinda chewing me out today, because she THINKS I am not taking this seriously. All I said was that I didn't know when I would be able to AFFORD going to a neurologist. I haven't paid my car insurance, my health insurance, my rent, etc. I am broker than broke. How am I supposed to pay for the doctor's visit? And I only have one day off a week. She doesn't think I should take the anti-seizure medication til we know for sure that I need it. I think she's right about that. This COULD have been from the head injury I got on Sunday, & then the fact that I KEPT hitting my head....5 times in 2-3 days. I hit it again the day I had the seizure, in fact. The one on Sunday was a really hard hit. I am surprised I didn't lose consciousness. Who knows? As it is, that CAT scan is going to cost me another $5000 I don't have (I haven't been able to afford the last $5000 CAT scan I got), & my sister thinks I need another CAT scan & a PET scan, etc....where am I getting this money? So yeah, I KNOW this is serious, I AM taking it seriously....I just don't know what I can afford to do.

It's weird to look out in my driveway & not see my car. It's still in the Knott's parking lot.

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    Still no clue what I'm going to do. No clue at all.

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