Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

i frustrate me

Ai yi yi. I guess it's been a while since I've written here. I need to write more often.

Lately, there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to do everything I WANT to do. I'm quite sure I'm not alone in that feeling. But my problem is worse than that. These anti-seizure drugs just make me exhausted. Even when I have time, I'm too tired to do anything. I have a million books to read, and I don't have the energy to read a frickin book! All I want to do when I have free time is sleep! Some nights, I actually endeavor to have a social life and hang out with my friends...and then I'm even more tired.
What, am I not supposed to have a social life and hang out with friends cause I was cursed with these stupid seizures and have to take these shitty pills? I'm only 35. I'm not dead yet. I am essentially a homebody and love to stay home alone and just watch TV, but hey, occasionally, I actually like to spend time with my friends. I have some of the best friends I've ever had, and I'm not going to roll over and play dead. But it's frustrating cause I'm tired all the time. I usually get from 8-12 hours of sleep, and yet I'm STILL sleepy all the time. It's a good thing I'm not dating right now, cause guys don't really like to hear, "Not tonight, honey, I'm really tired.". Will any guy ever be understanding of my med situation? Not only am I always tired due to the seizure meds, but I have NO drive due to the Prozac I have to take to counter balance the depressive effects of the anti-seizure meds. What guy wants a girl who never wants sex? It's not exactly that I never want it, it's just that I'd be unlikely to instigate it. And when I do have it, it's uncomfortable enough for me to be like, "Hurry up!". And once a night is plenty for me. I'm not a go all night kind of girl. I would choose sleep over sex ANY day. How sad is that? I'm doomed to a life alone, because since guys are pretty much sex fiends, there ain't one who's gonna be patient and understanding with me.
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