Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

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Stress....stress....stress.....

I owe my father a large sum of money, for the sale of my Beetle. He has been asking me to send him a check for at least 2 weeks now. The problem is, I spent some of that money. Rent & a new pc, primarily. This would not be a tragic situation if my lazy uncle would get off his ass. Forgive me for sounding greedy & ungrateful.
But he told us we would get that money from our grandmother by mid-January or so. Here it is, almost the end of February, & no money yet. He knows I need it. The family knows I have no steady job. He knows I need this money. What could possibly be taking so long? How hard is it to write some checks? I spoke with my grandmother not too long ago about it (she brought it up), & she said that they had to wait for the financial reports to come in, or something, but that they were good to go now, my uncle just needed to get around to doing it...but he was "so busy" right now. Please. Too busy to help his niece? Come on! It's not difficult nor time consuming to cut some checks. He promised them mid-January, if not before. Last year, we had them in the first of January. Again, it's not that I mean to sound spoiled...greedy...impatient...but this is something we have gotten for 3 years, at the same time of the year, & we have begun to count on it. MD said that this would probably be the last year she could send us this money, & that's fine. I accept that. But this year....enough is enough. He's just being lazy. And it makes me mad. Now, I still have to wait to GET the check, deposit it, have them hold it for a few days, & THEN get my dad a check. And he is chomping at the bit & wants to know WHY I haven't sent him the money yet. "I spent some of it & am waiting to get money to pay you back" will NOT wash with my Dad. He would kick my ass. I simply cannot deal with that reaction. I had no choice but to spend that money...how could I NOT pay rent with plenty of money to pay it was sitting in my account? I HAD to get a new pc....even if I had gotten a much cheaper one---as my friends suggest---I still would have spent a good deal of money, after tax, etc.

And I still desperately need a job. I haven't been able to find anything yet. That's very scary, very depressing, very sad. I don't know what I am going to do.

I am not handling this "dating" thing terribly well. It's the uncertainty that drives me crazy. I could handle knowing Eric is not interested in something serious better than I can handle not knowing. It's the not knowing that kills me. I just like him so much already...which is especially scary since we have NOT has sex...and that is usually what makes me feel emotionally closer to a guy. But I am just liking Eric for Eric...without sex confusing me. But so far, I still don't know much about him. I know a few things here & there, but not much. I am thinking about, the next time we see each other, just sitting down & having a "q & a" session...just asking him a bunch of questions to get to know him a little better. My friend, Erin, gave him a quiz when he came to Knott's the other day. That was pretty funny. I will post the results here. It says a lot for him that he would even take the quiz! I just like him so much....but have no true idea where he stands. When he looks at me, & when he touches me, caresses me, etc....there is great depth to his feeling....there is a gentleness, an intimacy. His requesting that we slow down & NOT have sex yet could mean one of two things. Our first meeting, we got on the subject of sex. I definitely got the impression that is was something pretty important to him. I made a comment about how I didn't think sex was that important, & he said, "ummm...okay." And I could tell he didn't agree. So...either he doesn't want to have sex with me for some unknown reason (not attracted enough to...though that doesn't seem likely, since we make-out all the time, & quite passionately; sleeping with someone else...again, pretty unlikely, the way he talks he hardly ever dates; etc...), or he truly wants to take it slow because he DOES like me more...he doesn't want to make the mistake of rushing things because he really does like me more than just for purely physical reasons. Who knows? Maybe I should ask him about it....and I also want to ask him why he is "unsure" whether or not he wants a serious relationship right now. Communication is certainly key...and, at least in the past, he seems to appreciate upfront honesty & be good at telling the truth himself.

I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I would almost think he does, since he told me to stop thinking about him...and when I said that didn't work, he said that it didn't work for him, either. We chatted a bit online today, but I'll bet he won't call for a day or two. I guess to talk every day wouldn't be "taking it slow." I also know he has volleyball on Monday nights & softball on Wednesday nights...I think. Honestly, I am not the type to even want to talk to or see a boyfriend everyday...but that's when I KNOW the status of the relationship...not when things are up in the air.

The Quiz,

1. What was the first thing you noticed about her (her is me, duh!)?
height & hair

2. How do you feel about all her bottles of perfume?
Whatever....she always smells good so...yea.

3. Do you like Disneyland or Knott's Berry Farm better?
Disneyland

4. Do you enjoy her getting hit on by other women?
Of course.

5. Do yu like her w/ or w/out make-up?
Either.

6. Can you touch your toes?
Yes.

7. What's your favorite number?
13.

8. What is your favorite TV show? Why?
Special Unit 2 or Buffy....because they are funny?

9. (Answer after seeing her at work) What did you think of the outfit she had on & about the show (be honest)?
no response

10. How many kids do you want someday?
None.

11. Are you a momma's boy?
Not really.

12. Do you pick your nose? Or your ass?
No & no (not in public).

13. How big is your......Just kidding! :-)
Really small.

14. What do you like most about her so far?
Well, there was that other night...

15. What do you think of all the CSST girls?
The who?

16. What is your favorite body part of hers?
no response (cause supposedly the answer is, he likes them all

He got 2 points each for questions 1-6, 10-14, 1 point each for questions 7 & 8 (Erin doesn't like the number 13, & she doesn't like those TV shows...yes, her point system is biased, but hey, it's her quiz!), zero points for skipping questions 9 & 16, & negative 2 points for question #15 (CSST stands for Camp Snoopy Sidewalk Theatre....my work group.) He SHOULD have gotten a minus 2 for question # 13, since his response was a blatant lie! ;-�
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