Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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I need a really good dictionary. Anyone got a hand-me-down they don't use anymore? Or any suggestions on a good one to buy if I visit a bookstore online???? I want a really good dictionary that has, like, every conceivable word in it, & good, detailed definitions. Mine is this thin piece of crap. I want to find a word in the dictionary every day that I don't know, & learn a new word daily. That would be really cool.

I am trying to decide about buying this cool VHS-C camcorder online...it's a really good deal, but I am going back & forth on how much I NEED it. I actually could definitely get some good use out of it. I have a digital camcorder, but I think it would be really handy to have a VHS-C one, too....one that I could record things & immediately just put the tape in my VCR. The auctions end tomorrow....so I have to decide by then. I suppose if I bought it & never used it (doubtful), I could always re-sell it. I don't know how to make up my mind. I know I would use it, I know it would be very handy...but do I NEED it? The answer is, yes & no. How to decide...

My dumb sister emailed me AGAIN today. This time, she tried to come at things from a "I'm just worried about you & want to help you angle."
I wrote back & said, "What part of 'don't contact me again' did you not grasp...because it's really not a difficult concept." I again tried to explain to her that it's not as much what she says as much as it's HOW she says it. Approach is EVERYTHING with me. You can say something one way & it won't bother me....you can say basically the exact same thing with a different, rougher approach, & it will bother me very much. That is a concept I am trying to get across to certain friends, too. Attitude is EVERYTHING. Which is better....when a good girlfriend asks you if she looks fat in a bikini she's trying on, to say (A) "Well...it's not the most flattering one you have tried on...I liked the blue one better," or (B) "Honey, you look like friggin' Shamu!"?????????????????????? Both are getting the same damn point across...but one is much more gentle. One will hurt...one won't. One is being a GOOD, honest friend...one is being a hurtful bitch...hurtful to someone you claim to care about. Doesn't make sense to me. Tone & attitude are everything. Well....with me, anyway.
Unfortunately, that's something my sister, among others, simple doesn't get.

OK...watching "Smallville." We all know I like men to have a head full of hair....I don't like bald guys, & I don't like balding guys...I don't like buzz cuts, etc. But can I just say how damn sexy that Michael Rosenthal is? They made him shave bald for the role of Lex Luthor....and he is SO damn sexy, I can barely stand it. Yeah, Tom Welling (Superman) is hot...he is a pretty boy. Absolutely beautiful & expressive. But Michael is VERY sexy. I am sure it has more to do with his charisma & personal sex appeal than his head being bald....but it's EXTREMELY rare for me to find someone bald attractive.

I did call my grandmother today & explained that I DID send a thank you note...and sent off another one today. She said she didn't care about getting a thank you note...she just wanted a phone call cause she was worried about sending that amount of money through the mail. I probably should have called her...but I always think in terms of sending an immediate thank you note whenever someone does something nice for me....I send her thank you notes after Xmas, after she helps me with anything, after the cruises....but she is placated now.

I saw my ex boyfriend, Robert, today....read all about that .

Well....it certainly was interesting.

We haven't seen each other in 2 years. It's funny...he actually knew the exact day & the amount of time it's been since we last spent time together. According to him (which I never would have remembered), we last saw each other (excluding the day he came to see my show in November, but he had to rush out as soon as it was over, & I didn't actually "see" him, other than in the audience) on December 23rd, 1999. I think he's actually off by a few days. I cannot imagine a year that I have flown home to AL for Xmas any later than the 22nd. I seriously doubt I have ever flown home as late as Xmas Eve, & I know I was flying away the day after we saw each other last. So I think it was more like the 21st or 22nd, at the latest. Anyway...he was like, "it's been 2 years, one month, 3 weeks," etc. I said, "You're kidding right?" And he said he wasn't, he knew the exact amount of time it had been since we'd seen each other. I tried to be really attentive to what he had to say, cause one thing he disliked about me when we dated was my apparent lack of interest about what was going on in his life. We had a great time...we laughed a lot...we took a walk down memory lane. Boy, did we...we flirted tremendously.....sexual innuendos left & right. I made the comment that "my house is only about 10 minutes away," & he was like, "seriously....don't tempt me." Well, after some deliberation as to whether or not it was "wise," he came back to my house with me. It was a bit awkward, cause neither of us knew how to make a move, or who should make a move first, etc. Plus, it had been 2 years! He even joked, "I don't have sex on a first date." We kissed & groped a bit, then we took a shower together. Hey, it's California, you have to conserve water! ;-� I soaped him up, he soaped me up...and I did something else to him, too. {{ahem}} We then went back into the bedroom & started making out. He was kissing my neck in the most amazing technique...it was making me climb the walls....and apparently, he remember how sensitive my neck was. I commented how that technique was driving me crazy, & he said, "It should....I learned it from you. You taught me this." I was like, "Damn....I'm good. I didn't know what I did to guys felt THIS good!" Heh-heh. One thing led to another....he went down on me, for like 20 minutes...she just didn't want to cooperate. But I have learned some techniques in the last year or so to make things happen, & make things more intense...so when I finally did have an orgasm (poor guy...he said he was getting chapped), it was amazingly intense. I was louder than normal, & seriously almost blacked out. The room was spinning & went momentarily black. I could barely sit up. He said he was worried about me for a while, cause my body was shaking like crazy. Nice...very nice. So then I returned the favor, & he had mentioned how he always loved the way I did that particular thing. :-) I always wonder about my technique (using that word a lot, I know), but I guess it really varies from guy to guy...what they like, & all. Then we had sex...it was nice. And things didn't seem to be awkward afterwards. We were just casual & comfortable, & laid around naked together for a while. His phone rang & he got up to answer it (see, a normal person answers their phone in front of you), & he even told his friend he was with me (a normal person does that too!).

Something really cool & flattering....Robert just got out of a 1.5 year relationship with a girl he calls "psycho"...apparently, he had to take out a restraining order against her. Nice. Anyway, she just sounded awful, so I said, "What did your mother think of her?" He said, "My mother hated her." I said, "See? Mom knows best when it comes to boyfriends & girlfriend...always listen to your mother." And he says, "That's funny, cause every time my ex & I had a huge fight, my mother would say, "Why don't you call Alicenwndrln?" (that's me, duh!). I said, "You're making that up!" And he said, "No, no I'm not...my parents really liked you." Robert's dad is famous...more so many years ago than now, but he is well known to people my grandparent's age, or even parent's age. I was out with them once & some "fans" came up to Robert's dad, all giggly...and these were grandma-age women, too. Anyway...I never knew how much they liked me, cause when we dated, I was about 28 & Robert was 20. That's a huge age difference, & parents usually don't like their kids dating older people....especially when the girl is older. But honestly, I have never had a parent NOT like me....I am most parent's dream. And when he told his parents he was seeing me today, they were excited & were like, "Good for you!" What a compliment...it means so much to me when a parent likes me. I enjoy earning respect from people.

I told Robert, "I can't get any new guys to like me, so I keep recycling the ex-boyfriends," cause he asked when the last time I had sex was, & I told him in December, with ANOTHER ex.

Needless to say....I didn't spend my day worrying about Eric. He actually called me while I was at Dalt's with Robert, but since I had my phone on vibrate, I didn't realize it, so I got a voice mail. Supposedly, he is coming over tomorrow night to put in my new hard drive & my CD changer.....IF he remembers. He's forgotten to call me or forgotten plans with me too often lately for me to think he'll definitely remember. Anyway, I am going to act friendly but cool, & not be affectionate at all...and see if he notices. I am going to see how things go...and if an honest, unforced opportunity presents itself, then I would imagine I'd say something like, "This has run it's course, huh?" I have a feeling the answer would be "yes," cause even when he left me a message today, it was....different in tone than usual...not as friendly as usual, not the same excitement to make plans with me, whatever. I have no CLUE what's going on with him...but if I had to make a GUESS, I would say he was dating me & at LEAST one other girl...and things have gotten more serious with one (or THE one) other girl. That's the only thing---in my mind---that could account for the increasing sense of distance from him. I haven't done anything...haven't pushed, haven't pressure, haven't been clingy...heck, I had every right to call him Sunday night & say, "Where the heck are you," like I would have with any other friend...but I didn't. So I certainly couldn't have scared him off or pushed him away. Of course, it could always be something complimentary like, he felt himself getting closer to me, & coming off a fairly recent breakup with baggage involved, he got scared & decided to back off, because he's not ready for something serious so soon. Maybe I can get a reason out of him...maybe I am imagining everything negative (doubtful, if I can trust my gut here). I do know that he's either still chatting with other girls from Hot or Not (no biggie, I'm still chatting with guys), still getting emails from other girls from there, or still clicking to meet other girls, since he still logs onto his account there (when you click to email something to someone through their system, it tells you how long it's been since that person has logged on last....which maybe has bothered him, cause if he's checking up on me, he'd see that I log on a lot...and he did get kinda jealous-acting that time he said, "Go ahead & email all your boyfriends"). Anyway...maybe I can get at the truth tomorrow. I guess I really should be upfront & completely honest, at the risk of my ego, & tell him how much I like him, & that if he doesn't feel the same, I need to know, so I can put the brakes on my feelings (yes, I actually CAN do that sometimes...I just have to communicate with my heart). I HATE these kinds of talks...but it needs to be had, since I am over-analyzing everything & driving myself mad. Sorry....maddER. :-)

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    Still no clue what I'm going to do. No clue at all.

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