Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,

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Thoughts for today....

I've been making new friends recently on LJ...I think that's really cool. Hi, new friends ! **wave** :-)

Duncan (my cat) is sitting on my lap as we speak, trying to eat my bracelets. I got a new one today...I had that chain link silver bracelet with the dangling heart. My grandmother gave it to me for Xmas, & I had it engraved. So today, I found one very similar with a dangling star....and everyone knows (or does now) how much I LOVE stars. I collect just about anything with stars on it. My mother called me her "Lil Star," & I believe I am going to be a TV/film star....so....I love stars. The bracelets look kinda cool dangling together...and hearts are my second fave symbol. I need to get the star engraved, too. The engraver at Knott's charged me only $5 to do both sides of the heart. I think I should have "Lil Star" engraved on the star, in tribute to my mom. :-)

I got my friend Mary one of the dangling heart bracelets. She's been wanting one really badly, & hasn't been able to find one. I found one while at this store, & called her to see if she wanted me to pick it up for her. She did, & was very grateful that I thought of her, so I got it, & she will pay me back on Saturday. Normally, I would just buy it for her...but money's tight for me & every $20 counts. It was $24 with tax, & I'd be happy with just a $20 bill. I like doing things for friends...it makes me feel good to think of others. She seemed surprised that I thought to do that for her...why should that be a surprise? Doesn't everyone think of their friends?

Speaking of thinking of friends....

Poor Erin...she & her brother & mom flew to Vegas, cause her grandmother is dying. At least, they think she is. She's been sick, & she has dementia. But now, she got pneumonia, & they put her on morphine drip, cause her organs were shutting down, & Erin & her family were told they'd better fly in to say goodbye. That was last week...a week later, her grandmother is still hanging on, but is suffering badly. Erin has missed work & school, as has her brother (including some big tests). They can't wait around for someone to die. They need to go on with their lives, & if/when the grandmother dies, fly back to Vegas. Good Lord, she could hang on for weeks, months...stranger things have happened. A girl I knew at Disneyland was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, & was told she had 6 months to live. 6 YEARS later, she is still alive, with a kid. And being in Cali, it's not like Vegas is that far...it's only a 4 hour drive, if they can't get last minute plane tickets. 4 hours & she'd be back there. It's gotta be horrible to wait around for someone to die, not knowing when that moment may come. I've always wondered which was worse....knowing someone was going to die but not knowing the specific moment, thus being able to prepare yourself (as much as you can prepare yourself for a loved one's death), but also having to watch the person suffer in their last moments.....or having a loved one die suddenly & unexpectedly? I kinda think the latter is worse...because if you have any unfinished business, you are just screwed. And it takes a while to get through the "shock" phase. Speaking from experience...the unexpected death is a real hard one.

This guy I used to know, Chris, is coming out to visit from Minnesota. I met him back in '92 when I was on tour. I first met him on the "Wizard of Oz" tour, when I stayed at a hotel he worked for in St. Cloud, Minnesota. Everyone on my tour thought he was really hot...and he WAS...and he liked ME. He came to see my show, took a bunch of pics...and then later, traveled to Minneapolis to see me again. And we had fooled around. :-) 6 months or so later, I was back in St. Cloud, this time on tour with "Pinocchio." Chris took me out to a movie ("Cutting Edge") & dinner...and then back to his place....where we had "marathon sex." That's the kind of sex where the damn guy goes forEVER...I HATE that kind of sex. Sheesh...hurry it up, already, I'm chafing. Heh...anyway...he wrote to me for a while after that...and then we lost touch. Recently, I did a search for him on the net, found an address, & wrote a snail mail letter to that address, including my email addy. It WAS the right Chris, & he definitely remembered me, & emailed me. So...that was months ago, & now he's coming out here. He's coming to see me & to help a friend move. I haven't seen him since '92. I feel fairly certain we will "hook up," but I guess I shouldn't make that assumption. If we do, fine, if we don't, fine. But no marathon sex...now I speak up for what I don't like. I do remember him being VERY....enthusiastic...about other things. And back then, I didn't even give head. This should be interesting...and I will have my jacuzzi cleaned by then, too....now watch him not even show up. He sent me a recent pic of himself, & he looks pretty much the same, only his body is even hotter (washboard abs, the whole deal), as if that's possible. Yum. It will be exciting to see what happens. IF anything happens.

The medication is definitely helping my ulcer. I am not in nearly as much pain as I was...so that must be what it is. I still get some sharp pains after eating & occasionally other times...but there is no 24/7 pain anymore. Fabulous!

I emailed my dad & set new ground rules. I said that he wasn't allowed to nag me anymore, about anything. If I get a "regular" job, he'll be the first to know, but he's not to nag me about it anymore. When the truck is fixed, I will notify him...he's not to nag me about it anymore. I might go broke again...but I will never ask him for monetary help again....therefore, he's not allowed to nag me about my finances anymore. No more nagging! I called my grandmother to tell her about my ulcer (before she heard it from my bigmouth sister, because she gets hurt if she hears things second-hand), & she NAGGED me about it! She nagged me about what I SHOULD eat, what I SHOULDN'T eat, how I shouldn't worry, etc. Yikes! I told my dad that my "loving family" is a great chunk of WHY I have this ulcer...and no more.

shebear is coming on Thursday night. I have to get at least my living room cleaned before then. I view it as great incentive, cause it was looking awful again. I need to take some boxes to storage.

As if I needed to spend any more money today, I bought some really cute pairs of shoes. One pair was only $10, on clearance. Very cute, very sassy, great for summer. Another is a pair of sandals, with jean material, & stars on them. Very cute. Shouldn't have spent the money...but what's done is done. The guy overcharged me by $10 on one pair, & didn't know how to do the refund, so just opened the register & handed me a $10 bill. Whatever. He was very apologetic, even though I kept assuring him that mistakes happen, & it was perfectly all right. No harm done.

My hair still feels SOOOO short. I braided it today, & the braid seems SO short on my back. It's freaking me out. He only cut off about 3 inches, but it just feels SO different...especially since my hair was touching my butt. 3 inches is a lot when you are talking hair!

OHMIGOD!!!! I had the shocks of all shocks today. My friend, Cheri, came out of the closet to me. She's 18, & we've been friends for a while. I had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE! AT ALL! I was stunned. And her way of telling me was odd, too. I had originally posted a pic & profile for her on Hot or Not (with her permission of course!). She just got AOL, so I was chatting with her online today. She told me to go check out her profile, that she had added something. She gave me her password, & I went to bring it up. The profile looked the same, but then I got to her keywords...where I read, "bi curious...adventurous...", etc. And then for her sexual orientation, she had changed "heterosexual" to "gay." I immediately asked her if this was some kind of joke. She assured me it was not. I freaked out!
I couldn't believe it! So I asked her if she was bi or gay...and she says she still likes guys, but they just aren't doing anything for her right now. She said she's always been attracted to women, but as she's "gotten older" (a whopping 18!), she's been more open to it. According to her, she hasn't really done anything with a female yet....just wants to. I can't put my finger on why I am so surprised. Maybe it's because I like to think I have "gay-dar"...but then, when I was doing "Working," all the gay guys made fun of me cause I didn't realize certain male cast members were gay...I thought they were straight. The guys were like, "Turn your gay-dar on, honey...what were you thinking?" Also...she had a really serious boyfriend, & she's dated many guys since...I guess I just thought she was really into guys. She says she still wants to get married & have kids someday. Maybe she's just at that experimenting age. That's quite possible. I wonder how this will affect her. She just signed a recording contract with Babyface, to be part of a girl group. You know she will be told to keep interest in women on the down-low. I am the first person she's told, which is flattering...she said that even her closest friends don't know. She told me because she knew I was "open-minded." I think it's totally cool, & I am 100% supportive. Whatever makes her happy. But I can't help wondering about a few things...I always pretend to kiss her, getting REALLY close to her lips...hug her, carry her around...should I continue doing that stuff? It would be awkward to stop, cause that would seem obvious, & I have no issues with continuing to do that stuff. I just wonder....I guess everything will work out on it's own, deal with everything as needed. I tried to encourage her to come out to our friend, Amy...cause she's going to want more confidantes than just me. I honestly think Amy would be totally cool with it...and the 3 of us might be hanging out on Friday, so it would be nice if we could discuss it openly. I asked Cheri why she didn't tell me in person on Friday....she said she couldn't wait. She said a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Good for her. But yeah...I'm still a little stunned.

Speaking of....oooooo, a lesbian kiss on "Once & Again" tonight. Two teenage girls...oooooo.....what will mainstream America think?
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