Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

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I am absolutely stunned. No, another friend didn't tell me she was a lesbian. ;-�

I sent my father an email yesterday. In a polite, joking manner (saying I was putting my size 6 foot down), I asked him to please stop nagging me about whether I've gotten the truck fixed, whether I've gotten a job, how much money I have, how I'm spending it, etc. I told him that he would be the first to know whenever things change in those arenas. I told him, due to this ulcer, I really need to cut my stress, & not be nagged by my family so much.

He wrote back a stunningly nasty, sarcastic response....one I simply didn't appreciate.....

You can read it

"If your life ever comes to the point that no one "nags" (translation = cares) you will be a very sad little girl. Let me know when you piss MD's latest money away....my prediction is maybe June..and we will see if you need more "nagging" then. So let me get this straight, I am to just sit by and say "Hello" and "How are you" but have no interest (or, heaven forbid, concern) about what you are doing or how you are doing it?? You are the one that said only low life Mexicans drive around in banged up cars and yet it was "nagging" for me to push you to get yours fixed?? Ok. little girl, we will try it your way. BTW there is no medical evidence that ulcers are caused by stress. Stress exacerbates them in some cases but the cause is primarily dietary. Oh but we KNOW your diet couldnt be a problem right??.... You never need to worry about what I think of you. My only concern is and always has been that you merely survive, which you have not demonstrated the ability to do without help from MD or your mother or me. You say you "get by" but you know and I know that you can not get by working 2 days a week. You are at least that smart. You forget that it is I who made it possible for you to go to school in Torrance, REMEMBER?? I paid your rent in Dec, Jan And Feb this year...REMEMBER? If MD had not given you the 10 grand in FEB you would have been asking me (or somebady) for Feb rent...REMEMBER??? You went out and made the bad deal for the VW that I fixed (at an expense of 3 or 4 thousand dollars)..REMEMBER???. If I were judgemental about what you do, I would have already come to LA And forcibly taken you back to Alabama or to NC with me, but it is my choice to continue to let you chase your dream, I just don't want to get slam dunked because I care how it comes out !! Without MD's money and my money you would have been evicted last December....REMEMBER??? That aint getting by...You need to give your "I am getting by"" soliliquy to someone who doesnt know the facts. Your mother supported you til her money was gone, Daddy Bob supported you, albeit unwillingly, when he left you a bunch of money that you managed to piss away in about 2 years (maybe less) MD continues to support you and dear ole dad comes through in your hour of need, that ain't getting by on your own...And while we are at it, if you want to go work as a hostess (translation = whore) then go ahead. I am not going to let that veiled threat worry me any more (my ulcer you know). If you can sit around and let some fucking drunk, whiskey breathed, old fart paw you for "tips", then that is your choice.( Oh its NOT sex, you don't have to DO anything with them{translation= bullshit}) When a woman gets to the point that she thinks her body is her only asset, that is just about the bottom of the barrel....Having thus vented....I am pleased to try your new rules....Please give me frequent weather reprts for LA, I am soooo interested in the area, I dont suppose we will have much to talk about besides the weather because I wouldnt want to NAG you about anything!...If it makes any difference, I do love you very much!! XXXOOO JA"

My notes: I never made the "only Mexicans drive around with bang-up cars" comment....that was a comment HE made..funny how he attributes it to me. Also...the hostessing job. It's a job in a club where they don't serve any alcohol, & the men aren't allowed to touch you...they just talk to you, etc. There's nothing remotely whore-ish about it...unless of course, you make plans to meet them outside the club...but I wouldn't do that.

Yeah....this is helping my ulcer. I have the greatest family.

Here's my response...although I haven't mailed it yet....tell me if it's too harsh, or justified....

"Now...let's see....if you were FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, that email would have made a lot of sense. But that made ZERO sense coming from a SIXTY YEAR OLD. You are 60! You have no business saying things like you just did, mister! GROW UP! How awful is it that I have to say that to a 60 year old? Re-read your email to me....you just said that UNLESS you have something to nag me about---money, jobs, a truck, whatever---we have NOTHING to talk about. Nothing. That is exactly what you just said. Since you can't nag me anymore, all we have to discuss is the weather. You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me!!!!!! That's all you give a SHIT about, is how I spend my money, if I get my truck fixed, if I get a job???? That's all you care about?
That's pretty damn sad....but also a mystery. Let's see....my friends don't NAG me, about anything, & WE seem to have plenty of stuff to talk about. Hmmmm.....

You cannot "forcibly" take me anywhere. I am an adult. And adult who has needed some help from time to time, but an adult. If you came out here & even attempted that stupid threat, I'd have your ass arrested so fast your head would spin. What in the HELL are you thinking with that stupid comment?

Let me tell you something...I always find a way to pay rent. I am VERY grateful that you helped me, but I would have found a way to pay it, don't you doubt that.
I had EVERY other month that you DIDN'T help me. If MD's money runs out in June, then I will find a way to pay my rent.

I have been picking up background work here & there, enough to pay my bills. That is what I just said. What part of that did you miss? I said I was getting just enough gigs to scrape by. In fact, I worked on a movie today. And you fire back at me that I cannot pay my bills on a 2 day a week gig? Are YOU so stupid that you can't read? I am not getting extra work 5 days a week, but I am getting 2-3 days a week, AND some temp work occasionally, & I usually get overtime on the movie sets. That amounts to a good paycheck.

nag: 1. to find fault incessantly; complain; 2. to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction; 3. to irritate by constant scolding or urging; 4. badger, worry

You tell me which one of those definitions translates to "cares," please....cause I don't see it. While Webster & I are on the same page here, apparently you have an entirely positive swing on the term "nag." Finding fault incessantly...yeah, THAT'S loving. To be a persistent source of annoyance...yeah, THAT'S caring. To constantly scold or urge....yeah, that's great, too. I called MD to tell her about my ulcer (so she didn't hear it from my big mouth sister first), & she NAGGED me about my eating habits, & scolded me to stop worring about things. **sigh**

You say you don't think ulcers are caused by stress....I'm sorry, when, during my childhood, did you attend medical school? Can I please see your medical license??? Cause I sure don't remember you getting one. I would believe that someone MIGHT get an ulcer in part due to their diet IF they eat a LOT of spicy things....but not lots of fat. If so, Lord knows, you'd have an ulcer, too, & so would the majority of Americans. It's sure strange if it's NOT stress related, because I have been under crazy stress lately, & suddenly get an ulcer. Also, anytime I worry about anything, even normal nervousness for an audition, my ulcer hurts a lot. But I suppose, Dr., that THAT is just coincidence, huh??? I even just heard that teenagers are starting to get ulcers these days, due to all the stress on them in high school, college coming up, SATs, their parents, peer pressure, sex, etc. Everything *I* have ever heard is that they ARE stress related. Do you have facts that say otherwise? I'd be interested in seeing your sources.

Kathy nags me....you nag me....MD nags me. I can't win. Nothing I ever do is right. Nothing I ever do is good enough for my family. Occasionally, you will tell me I'm a "good kid." Kathy once said to me, "What am I supposed to tell my friends about you? What have you done that I can be proud of?" Excuse me?
Maybe, by financial standards, I am NOT successful to my family. But as I told Kathy, if I convinced one child during my touring days to stay away from drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, gangs, etc...then I AM successful.
I tend to measure my success by how much I help others, not how much money is in my bank account. Being "successful" in my family means going to college, getting a "real job," & having plenty of money. Ooops....guess I'm a failure.

You may certainly show interest in me & what's going on in my life. If you want to occasionally say, "How's the truck" or "how's the job search going, are you getting enough gigs" or "worked any cool movies lately," etc., that's fine. But if you'd like, I will forward to you all your emails....and every single one of them mentions jobs, money, or the truck...usually all 3. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Not one, "How's your life," or "how're you feeling" or "how's it going" or "done anything fun lately" or "seen any good movies lately" or "talked to Memama lately" or "dating anyone" or "how's Duncan" or anything about ANY other aspect of my life other than job, money, & my truck. You'd think those 3 things were ALL my life is about. There's much more to me than those 3 things, & you haven't shown that you give one whit about anything beyond those 3 issues. Do you realize you hurt my feelings when you don't show any concern for anything besides those 3 things? It's great to show concern about things, Dad....but ONLY those things? That gets a little old, & a little hurtful. I am sorry if you can't see that in a mature fashion, only a rude, bitter, sarcastic one.

To be honest, I just kept forgetting about the truck. The dent was on a side I rarely saw. It doesn't affect how the truck drives, so I just kinda forgot about it. Plus, I didn't want to go through the pain in the ass of taking the truck in, getting a rental car, etc. It IS a pain in the ass. But I finally did it, just to get it over with. I haven't made a comment about Mexicans driving around with dents. My friend Erin drove around with a dented bumper for a long time, & her mother is BEYOND rich. Shit happens. Sometimes, it's just an inconvenience, sometimes, you don't have the money right away, etc.

Mother gave me $250 a month. That HARDLY supported me.
Hell, the money you paid her in alimony wouldn't have supported anyone. $250 a month is nothing. You supported me right out of high school, but quickly stopped, when you stopped believing in me. What a shame that I let you down & fame wasn't just around the corner, like you thought it was. Sorry. You also once made a promise to me that while you wouldn't give me rent money, you would "always" help me with medical & car expenses. I have never forgotten that promise. You have. Granted, you don't have to help an adult child with a dime....but you did make promises.

My diet has not been that bad lately, because anything "bad" I eat causes severe pain...so I learned pretty fast that I couldn't eat "bad" foods....or suffer the consequences.

I am NOT getting a job as a "hostess," but so what if I did? There is nothing whore-ish about it. But again...I guess that comes down to another case of us having different definitions. I told you I have been looking into mall jobs, retail jobs, etc...not hostessing.

My email was polite, & joking. I made a simple request. Not, "hey let's only talk about the weather," but "please stop nagging me about things, because I will tell you things that interest you as they happen." And you fire back this mean, nasty, sarcastic email. And to think I had just told a friend how my father had mellowed in the last few years.

I wish, more often, your actions would tell me you love me, instead of your words."
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