Pollyanna (alicenwndrln) wrote,
Pollyanna
alicenwndrln

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Let me just begin by saying that abqd is very handsome. I waited for him to make a move....**sigh**....he never did. Bummer.
;-� It's all good...men with beer breath don't turn me on anyway....heh-heh...but what a cutie!!!!!! Yum!!!! :-)

crankyangel is really hot, too...I love & admire her free spirit. She invited me to a very tempting get-together on Sunday, but due to work obligations, I wasn't able to make it. I hope she invites me again! ;-�

Hmmmm....lots of randoms thoughts floating through my head.

Where to start....

Been reading everyone's LJ Bash stories. I can't help but be a bit bummed that I didn't make a bigger impression on people & meet more people....but then, I wasn't around much. I wasn't involved at all until Saturday night (most people bonded Friday night....I hear it was pretty wild), & then I was only at EinStein's, I didn't go back to the hotel. But I imagine that was a wise decision, for different reasons.

I am NOT a party girl. I am against drinking (well, definitely against excessive drinking), & naturally, there was a LOT of that going on. It's just not something I understand. I was blessed with a natural high, so I have never understood getting artificial ones. Hey, no condemnation---whatever floats your boat, & as long as you aren't driving a car---but I just don't understand it. I was uncomfortable as it was at EinStein's....I imagine I would have been REALLY uncomfortable at the hotel. Also, I am allergic to cigarette smoke, so I couldn't hang out on EinStein's balcony at all to meet the people outside, cause I couldn't be around the smoke....and the smoke in people's hotel rooms would have sent me to the hospital. As a further reason....I probably would have gotten naked in the very hot & tempting adrienned's jacuzzi, & probably would have made out with her, too....IF I was lucky! So that would have been dangerous temptation! Hey, what can I say? I am really not into chicks, but she's really hot, & a damn good kisser, too (even just from the sneak peek I got). And since my "gettin' my grub on" policy is to only be with sober men, I would be a hypocrit to be a with a drunk woman! ;-�
So, all in all, it's a good thing I didn't go back to the hotel...but I can't help but feel I missed out on a lot. But I make my decisions in life....and this is the (very difficult) path I chose to follow in life. The non-partying lifestyle. I suppose it makes me very boring, & makes me miss out on a lot, but....here I am.

It looks like quenya & vixyash had a friggin' blast! {{jealous}} ;-�

I had wanted to meet bakatenshi & triscuit (who were there & I just didn't see them) & sunnijane & faeriewitch & aunticrist & grynz & blooddoll (who were NOT there). I am sure there are others I am (unintentionally) leaving off....

I understand there were some ugly "backstage" drama going on, & that's sad to hear. I always feel bad when the people who work so hard to plan something go through a hassle. What a bummer. But they did such a good thing...and such a good job...and they are appreciated.

In other news....

I get to play Dusty again this summer. This is incredibly good news for me. I am going to make a remake of "Calamity Jane" someday, playing the Doris Day role, & the role of Dusty in the Saloon Show at Knott's is very similar to "Calamity Jane." I was born for this type of part. Even my supervisor & the writer of the show, Julie, said it seems like the part was written for me. What can I say? I am in touch with my masculine side (Dusty is a tomboy). I wasn't sure if they were going to let me do it again this year, even though I got TONS of compliments last year (people in the office would actually take their breaks to come see me do it). I called Julie tonight to find out when the summer season starts for us (planning a trip to visit my good friend Reggie on tour), & she said, "Well, the saloon show rehearsals start May 28th, & the show opens on June 15th." And that's all she said. She didn't say anything about CSST, which is my work group. So I said, "So...do I actually get to DO the saloon show this year?" She says, "Of course....why would you think you wouldn't?" I explained, "Well, there's so many Cameos this year, I just wasn't sure you'd need me." To which she responds, "But not all the Cameos [that's the female lead in the off-season saloon show] can play Dusty...they won't all be learning the summer show." WOOOO-HOOOO!
Finally! Someone on my wavelength. Mini rant: There are 5 Cameos right now: Ryella, Tamarin, Laura, Gina, & Kathleen. Ryella is great, & she does pretty well at Dusty, too (the main drawback for her as Dusty is this: Dusty is butch the whole show, until the end when she is supposed to come out really feminine....Ryella has a butch haircut, so it works fine for the butch beginning, but when's she supposed to come out feminine, there's no where for her to go). Tamarin, as much as I hate to admit it, it actually a pretty good Dusty. BUT...she doesn't have the strongest singing voice, & Dusty sings a lot. Laura HATES playing Dusty...and it shows. She's naturally a "girly-girl," so she doesn't like to & sucks at playing butch. Gina is a sweetheart, very talented, & VERY pretty...therefore, she does NOT butch up. She is so pretty, no one would buy her as a tomboy. No way. Kathleen....don't EVEN get me started. Uh-oh...too late. She is SO ugly, & SO untalented...and they gave her the Cameo part over me. I SWEAR, I am NOT being biased & simply bitter. The girls in my group, before *I* said anything, were like, "WHO cast HER? Who is she? She's AWFUL!" And when I said she got it over me, they were like, "WHAT??!?!?!?" Even the little kids who performed there over Xmas made fun of Kathleen. Her singing voice is really weak & not necessarily always on pitch, & she is...homely. The carolers---granted, a bitter bunch---dubbed her "Toucan Sam," for how big her nose is. Gina & Kathleen got the part over me....I don't begrudge Gina...because she's pretty (Cameo SHOULD be pretty) & she's talented. Kathleen is neither. Their excuse to me? "You just don't look old enough." I said, "Ummm...I'm 30. Ryella is in her early 20's, Tamarin, Laura...early 20's. I am 30!!!" "But you don't LOOK 30." **sigh** Hello? Put some heavy make-up on me, push up the ole cleavage, & I am good to go. Frustrating!!!!! My direct supervisor was told by many people in Entertainment that I should be the full-time Dusty this year (last summer, I was just a sub & filled in for people as needed). He said, "I agree, but the full-time Dustys have to be Cameos, & vice versa." So since I "can't" play Cameo (due to nothing but how young I look...and I don't look that young anymore, dangit....I have wrinkles!), I can't be regularly scheduled as Dusty, either. So when Julie said what she did, it was a real shock. If I had to guess, I would think that Gina & Kathleen are going to be the ones not asked to learn the summer show. I truly believe neither can pull it off. Gina cause she's too damn pretty/girly, & Kathleen cause she has the talent of a tree. Laura practically gave me all her shifts last year, & probably will repeat that. See, last summer, Tamarin AND Laura got summer jobs at Disneyland, so they didn't have as much availability. So I ended up doing the show for them a LOT. I am hoping that will repeat this year. We'll see, I suppose. Since I do the same shows over & over & over with CSST, it's really nice to do something different for the summer...especially something I enjoy so much. Now...according to Alicia, my psychic friend, I am going to start rolling in the film/TV biz around April/May, & won't even still be AT Knott's for the summer. We'll just see about that. That WOULD be very nice. VERY nice. But if that doesn't happen yet, it will be really nice to have rehearsals full-time starting May 28th...so I only have to find a way to support myself until the end of May. I work 5 days a week during the summer. That usually starts for CSST around mid-June. So starting that with rehearsals at the end of May is a nice bonus. And Julie said I would be at all the rehearsals, so that's cool, too. I'm excited for that. My hope would also be that they decide---during the course of rehearsals---to schedule me in the role more. I just have an honest enthusiam for the role that no one else has...and I think it makes a big difference.

Read past entries of a friend's journal tonight...good grief....now I know what he meant by "internet drama." Wow...he wasn't kidding! I just don't feel I have experienced anything to that degree...some "fights" with internet friends, but nothing THAT dramatic (like losing sleep over, etc.). Thank goodness. I don't care for drama. The less the better. As Mary J says, no more drama!

I am going to call that agent back this week, & see if he will consider me again. The worst he can say is "no." I definitely need a good agent...one who will believe in me, & push for me, even if I AM on the voluptuous side. Skinny is not necessarily where it's at, ya know! I don't think the public would have a hard time seeing more "natural," real women. Over 50% of Americans are overweight...I am hardly alone.

I keep being told I need to make a physical change...like cutting & dying my hair. I can't do it. I just can't. I truly adore my blonde hair...and once you dye blonde hair, you NEVER get it back to it's natural color. And I can't imagine going short. Not to mention, I've had it short, & it doesn't do anything cute. I just wanna make it as who I am! I mean, YES, I want to lose some weight for ME. But the real me isn't chunky, anyway. I have only been overweight in the last few years. That's not me. I used to be really active. Now I'm lazy. That's NOT me. But I don't want to change my physical appearance in any other way. I am a blonde...and I want to make it as a blonde. I am considering taking some headshots with one of my wigs on, in a completely different look, & then submit them to agents to see if I DO get a different reaction. They might be lumping me into the "blonde haired, blue eyed Hollywood cookie-cutter" catagory...even though I am FAR from that!!!! Curvy, not beautiful, I get zits, etc.

We chose my outfit to play the bad girl in the Knott's safety video. I will post a pic to get opinions.

I am working 6 days a week for the next two weeks. That's good & bad. Good, cause I will have steady income...bad, cause I won't be available for any extra/stand-in work (thus networking in the biz), & I get off at Knott's RIGHT at traffic time! Yikes! But I am GRATEFUL for the work.

Mini rant #2: When someone is at the drive-up ATM at the bank, & they see that 4 people are waiting behind them, & after the driver finishes their transaction, the PASSENGER hands over THEIR card & has the driver do a transaction for them. GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT & GO TO THE WALK-UP ATM!!!! Geez!!! It's 10 feet around the corner! If no one is waiting behind you...fine. Otherwise, don't be a selfish pig with the drive-up ATM.

More to say, I'm sure....but I am butt-ass exhausted. I have to work tomorrow, & then I have an audition for a theatrical production of "Alice in Wonderland." I think I am getting a little old now, but they said they liked my previous audition for them, so.....

Frustrated beyond hell....I was cleaning my room, & found my new 128MB compact flash card...brand new. I thought, "Cool, found my CF card." And now I can't remember what I did with it after that. My room is essentially clean now....and I can't find that fucker ANYWHERE. I swear, I have torn the room apart. CRAZY!!!! Where in the HELL is it? Where could it have possibly gone? Any of the "safe" places I would have put it...it's not there. I'm getting pissed.

If my ulcer hasn't healed in 4 more weeks, they are going to stick a camera down my throat AND clip a piece off my stomach to biopsy. Gee...sounds like loads of fun. My doc put in another referral for a dietitian for me...but they denied it last time. This time, after the reason being "dangerously high cholesterol AND gastritis," if they STILL deny it, I am going to appeal it. That's just crazy. I need a professional to work with me on what I can & can't eat now.

Shit...gotta get to bed....hopefully, more tomorrow night.....
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